I'm Not Your Daddy

I have realized something within the last two weeks. Father's Day is the most controversial holiday on social media I've ever seen. For the last two weeks leading up to Father's Day my social media friends and associates had been posting memes and making statuses bashing single mothers and anyone who wants to celebrate a single mom on Father's Day. I mean it was just down right vicious. And, I have to be honest, I've only seen this behavior in the black community. I mean honestly, I think some people may have a better chance at getting along with an atheist on Christmas Day than they would at getting along with social media on Father's Day.

It's no secret that I am a single mom with four girls ( Yes, I'm still single). I have been a mom ever since I was 17 years old. For a long time I identified myself as both mom and dad on Father's Day. That's because it was so hard, and difficult and I was frustrated a lot and at times angry. I thought I was both mom and dad, not just on Father's Day but every day of the year. And, for total transparency, it was just only a few years ago when I stopped feeling that way. It's not because the social media community made me do so. It's because I have evolved and grown. I've let go of that past anger, and bitterness. Although, I'm at a different place in my life spiritually, mentally and emotionally doesn't mean I am upset at anyone who chooses to celebrate a single mom on Father's Day nor am I mad at any single mom who chooses to celebrate herself. I still get the Happy Father's Day texts from people who are close to me who have witnessed my struggles and pain. I don't expect nor desire anything on Father's Day. And believe me there has been some hurt and pain there from childhood to adulthood, but guess what? Now it's all good. One of my daughters sent me a meme via text the other day that said... when your mom isn't rich but she still makes stuff happen. And she added a note thanking me for everything I do for her and her sisters. I was so moved at that lovely sentiment. I didn't feel like I should be celebrated on Father's Day or repost it on Father's Day as a tribute to single motherhood.

Most of the bashing I've seen from people over the course of the past two weeks have been from men and women who do not know what it's like to be a single mom. Let me say this, if you have never had to make a dollar out of fifteen cents to feed your kids and yourself, please leave that woman alone. The life of a single mom is something to behold and to be told. And, I know many people will say but she slept with him, she knew he was not about anything when she was with him and much, much more. I understand all of that. However, now it's time to raise the child. You see, a single mom has to go find it when the father says he doesn't have it. And in most cases, he's not trying to look for it. It's that mom's job to make every day life happen, buy school clothes, and make birthdays and Christmas happen. And folks wonder why she hasn't let go of that pain and hurt yet. I say, give her time to heal. That's a pain that doesn't go away overnight. It's a process. Trust me, I know. I have been there and have the T-shirt. Instead of bashing her for likes and retweets, pray for her. Let her know it's okay and God will bless her and her children. There are way more important causes that we as a community can and should wage war over. But, the fact that a single mom wants to celebrate herself on Father's Day shouldn't be one of them. I am not trying to take away anything from the guys on Father's Day. You all deserve your gifts, hugs, kisses, and accolades just as much as moms on Mother's Day.

And ladies, don't fight fire with fire and don't fight satan with satan. Don't be on social media talking trash about your children's father. And it may be true. However, it isn't helping the situation. Put that in God's hands and do what you need to do for your children. And not letting the kids visit their father's (as long as it's a safe situation) is not helping the child either. Kids need so much more than money to survive. Do your best to have a co-parenting relationship with the father. The last thing we all want is for this cycle of children without fathers to continue.

Doing The Right Thing Isn't Always Easy

I would love to start this blog off by telling you all that this has been the best year of my life. However, it would be more than just a slight fabrication. I don't want to sound drab, but the truth is I've been dealing with some trials, and I've faced my fair share of challenges. But, that's all a part of living, right? Of course it is. If you've read any of my other blogs, you know I'm no stranger to trials and tribulations, but I'm no quitter either. With all of that said, it's mid-April and this year alone, I've dealt with the loss of two very important people in life. They both transitioned within three weeks time. So, I have a void in my heart that has left me feeling a little empty but the love I have for them keeps me going knowing they are both resting well in a better place.

Some days my plate is so full, the load gets so heavy, and I get overwhelmed with my responsibilities, tasks, and routines. There are days when I want to go off on social media, I feel like cussing, and I want to do whatever is going to please my flesh. Yes, I do feel like this at times. However, I'm at the point in my life where I am thinking before doing, more often than I did when I was in my 20s or even five years ago for that matter. Although, I want to sometimes run away from life and create a new satisfying one for however long, I know that a temporary "fix" will not fix anything. It's easy to say to yourself and to others, "do the right thing." Believe me, I say it a lot to myself, my kids, and to others I'm close to. I guess because, there was a time in my life where it seemed as if I constantly gravitated towards doing the wrong thing. Those decisions caused a great deal of suffering for me. I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, and some decisions have had lasting effects.  Don't get me wrong, I still have to have talks with myself ( and certainly with God) about staying on the right path. Temptation is everywhere and it knocks on my door harder when it seems as if my world is topsy turvy. But that's just like the devil, isn't it? There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have thought twice about doing some of the things that I steer clear of doing today. Some would say that shows my growth and maturity. And , I will agree. However, I just know that those wrong decisions I made NEVER WORKED OUT for me. I seriously think about what will I gain if I do this or that. And more importantly, what will I lose and/or miss out on if I do.

Doing the right thing can be an uphill battle. And it's hard when you see those you love on a path of destruction. You know nothing good will come from the decisions they are making, but they won't hear what you're saying. The hardest thing to do is let go, let God and let them go through it. I had my epiphany on constantly making wrong choices, and I'm glad I did. Wrong choices leads to feeling empty, lonely, despair, uncertainty and it disconnects you from God. I try as a parent, and as a leader to those around me, to instill positivity while being transparent as much as possible. However, we are all individuals and we all know that experience is the best teacher. I just pray and hope that my experiences and those of my loved ones comes from making wise, healthy choices.

It Takes Courage To Be Real

I know yall are wondering where I've been. It's been a long time since I've blogged. To be quite honest, I've been here, there, and everywhere; no, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Well, I'm coming back to myself, and I have a lot I'd like to talk about.

The new 21st century slogan (well one of them at least) is "Be Real." I social network very heavily. It's what I like to do and I get a lot of good information from it. However, I see people being called out all the time for being fake, unreal, lying, and just for whatever. Everyone wants everyone to be real. And, I agree people shouldn't be lying to others about anything, I also believe that people should be honest with themselves.

A couple of months ago I attended a social event for a women's empowerment group I'm a part of called Stilettos on the Pavement. The guest speaker mentioned that she picked up a book by a known journalist in my hometown named Sally Ann Roberts. Sally Ann mentioned in her book that it takes courage to be real. As I allowed that to sink in, I had my own little private epiphany. I said, she is absolutely right. People say they want your realness, but are they ready for it? More importantly, are you ready for your realness? I'll be the first to admit, I'm not always ready for what's real with me. But, at some point, I have to face it, own it, stop running from it and deal with it. However, until I am ready to deal with my own real, I can't give it to you. Because if I'm not ready for it, then you definitely won't be. Being real sounds good when you're telling a person to just be real with you, you can handle it. I know what I'm talking about because I received a dose of realness lately that I thought I was ready for, but when it was given to me, I quickly realized that it was more like sour grapes. Although it was necessary, it left me in a place where I was forced to deal with some of my own reality. More often than not, people fabricate situations,  and circumstances to hide the pain of their own bleak reality. It's easier to post a picture of your happy marriage, big house, and new shoes, than it is to actually deal with the problems that actually exists.  When a person gathers the courage to be real, they are making the steps to be accountable, responsible, and take charge of their life. It's not always an easy thing. Because sometimes, what we discover about ourselves and others, can be a harsh reality. However, it is better to be honest with yourself and with others. Being real is a spiritual cleansing. It's soul satisfying and it's weight lifting. But you have to be ready and prepared for it. Sometimes being real may cause you to lose some people. But it's worth it, if you find yourself in the process. So before you go calling out people for not keeping it 100 as the young people ( and the old ones too) like to say, make sure you are being that very thing you are calling them out for.

~Tasha Mac