Sunday, March 12, 2017

What's So Hard About Being Honest With People?

 
WARNING: This blog post may display the stereotypical "Angry Black Woman Syndrome."

Now, that I've given you a disclaimer up front, I can proceed with my thoughts. I have a friend who is in a great deal of emotional pain right now because a guy she loves was extremely dishonest with her. She wants answers that she'll probably never get. She keeps asking herself how could she have allowed this to happen? Why did he do this? Why didn't she see it? And so on and so forth. And, to be quite honest, those are all valid questions. However, I just don't understand why it's difficult for people to be honest about their intentions up front? Much to my chagrin, I have also been disappointed with relationships and dating. It has been astounding to say the least, that men who are supposed to be of a mature age are playing games with women and opening another chapter before they close the last one. How fair is that? And, if you are going to do that, at least be up front with the person whom you're bringing into this drama. That way, they can make their own decision to proceed or not. I posted a facebook status about this and someone commented that intentionally causing emotional pain to a person should be against the law; the same as if you physically harm a person you go to jail and face legal consequences. I agree with this. However, if this was the case, we'd probably all have a criminal record at some point in our lives. It's just wrong to use and mistreat a person who genuinely cares for you. I am so upset that my friend is going through this. I've been there and I understand how she feels.

Now, let's address the person whom we lie to the most: OURSELVES. Oftentimes, we can tell when a person is not being truthful with us but we ignore signs, believe their lies when we know what they are saying isn't true and/or choose to be silent. Someone should never be dishonest with us for any reason, but we shouldn't' be dishonest with ourselves also. We fail to protect our hearts by diving heart first in a situation with a person whom we know nothing about. The Bible tells us to protect our hearts for out of it flows the issues of life. We have a responsibility to guard and protect our hearts. When we allow our hearts to be disturbed without being vigiliant with its protection, we cause our peace to be disturbed. It's important we take time to get to know people before we hand over our hearts to them. I understand no matter how much we protect ourselves, we can't always avoid heartbreak. However, we can't love a person into loving us the right way. Maya Angelou said it best "When people show you who they are, believe them."








Wednesday, December 21, 2016

I Am Not a Jumper

If you have heard of Steve Harvey (funny man turned talk show host/NY Times best selling author) then you know that one of his most popular mantras is "jump." Steve has had several shows related to people "jumping", taking a leap of faith and following their dreams and pursuing their passions. This is no ordinary jump. People have been challenged to leave their jobs and all of their financial security to start that business that's been burning in their chest for years, get married and a whole hosts of other things.

Jumping into your dreams and flying high on your faith until you are guided by that parachute that lands you safely into your passion sounds beautiful. Or does it? Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of people following their dreams and pursuing their passions. However, one day as I was watching the show, I had an epiphany. I took a mini trip in my mind down memory lane and also evaulated my current situation. I realized that I AM NOT A JUMPER. If you've read any of my prevuious blogs then you know that I've achieved some major milestones and have overcome great obstacles in my life. But, guess what? I didn't do those things because I jumped. I did them because I flew after I was pushed. See, I realize that not everyone follows the same route to accomplish their dreams. Jumping may work for you, but flying after I've been pushed has always worked for me. I guess because I am such a risk averse person. I've always erred on the side of caution. Everything I've ever done and accomplished is because I was pushed to do something more, something greater for me and my daughters. I made the decision to fly and land in greener pastures for me and my girls. You may be asking the question, Tasha, how were you pushed? My circumstances pushed me. Although I was a young mother, I knew I didn't want to be an uneducated welfare recipient. The thought of living that way pushed me into going to school and earning my degrees. A few months ago I lost my job at an an organization I truly loved. Although I loved the organization, I was not happy with my new work assignments. I had actually started to become miserable on my job. I didn't know what to do. Being as though I'm not a jumper, I tried really hard to make the most of it and tried to stick it out. However, it didn't work out and my position was eliminated leaving me unemployed. While I don't enjoy being unemployed (I'm diligently looking for my new season of employment), I don't have the anxiety I felt going to work everyday stressed. Some people may say I should have jumped and left prior to my position being eliminated, and perhaps they are right, but again, I'm not a jumper. Right now I am flying and when I land, I know my next opportunity will be the right one.

Whether you are a jumper, a flyer, a cruiser or a sprinter, dreams and passions are important. It doesn't matter which route you take to get there, what's important is that you get there and you are happy.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Why Am I Not The Parent My Mom Was?

Last night my 16 year old daughter came into my room and said she wanted to talk with me about something. Of course I obliged her because anytime your kid actually wants to talk with you, you immediately stop doing the 12 tasks you were doing simultaneously and give her your undivided attention. She was on a mission to stay home from school the next day. Let me tell y'all, my kid had a speech, a presentation and supporting documents all prepared to present her case to me. She was talking so fast, she got out all 6000 words in one breath. I'm laughing hysterically at what is taking place in my bedroom. She is saying mom, please stop laughing. She actually had a text message on her phone from one of her teachers saying there would not be anything going on in her classroom tomorrow and she'll only be checking folders if any student had not turned theirs in. I'm sitting in my bed amazed at how well she presented her case to me. ( She is going to make a great lawyer). She says, please mom let me stay home tomorrow. I said, I need to ponder and pray about it. She says, I will ask you again at 6:30 in the morning. Needless to say, she won because I did allow her to stay home.

The whole time she was presenting her case to me, I'm thinking, my mom would not even listen to any foolishness like this when I was 16. More so, I knew better than to ask. So, my next question to myself was, Why am I not the parent my mom was to me growing up? Don't misunderstand this blog, I'm not discrediting my parental skills, however, I can admit at times, I am way more accommodating to my children than my parents were to me. I think part of it is the guilt from being a single parent. We try to make up for things here and there when we can. Another part of it is, I am tired, and you caught me at the right moment. My mom investigated everything when I was growing up. A big difference with me and my mom is I have way more responsibility as a parent. My mother had more time to investigate during certain phases of my life when she was a stay at home mom. I'm a  mom among many other titles so I try to give my girls a little bit more leeway than I was given. Although they accuse me of being overly strict.

I do think my kids and many others have a more relaxed life than what I had and their parents for that matter. Kids today are the most spoiled children with a strong sense of entitlement I've ever seen. But to some degree that's our fault as parents. I can own that. I have good kids, don't get me wrong but the things I have to stay on them about like chores, my mother never had to stay on me about. I can remember if I didn't clean the kitchen at night, my mother would wake me up out of my sleep to clean it. That was rough. My girls have gone to bed without doing chores and I never wake them up out of their sleep to do them. I will assert punishments where it hurts; such as removing electronics from their possession. For my 16 year old, this tactic  works wonders.   The problem with some of us parents is that we want our kids to have it way easier than we did. But we are ruining them in some ways. It's okay to give them a great life, but every now and again, some old school parenting will not hurt them.