Monday, July 28, 2014

I Wish I Had Never Had Sex

I know some of you looked at the title and was like what in the world is this chic talking about, she wish she'd never had sex. And, I'm cool with that. I understand that sex is a very real and important part of human nature. After all, it is at the very bottom on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs chart alongside breathing and food. So, I get that it is pretty important. In actuality, I don't wish I had never had sex. I am a mom of four beautiful girls and one beautiful granddaughter. And, I would never have had any of them if I were still a virgin. However, do I wish I had waited a lot longer? Most definitely.

I recently participated in a podcast with Jay Mayo, the host of Right to R.E.A.L. Love and the title was the same as this blog post. In the podcast, I talked about the pain and dissatisfaction that had come as a result of unwise sexual experiences. I described to Jay the desire to be loved and to feel love.  I thought seeking comfort in the arms of a man would make me feel pretty, make me feel wanted and/or at least make the hurt of rejection I felt from my biological dad go away. However, I was wrong. All of those bad feelings were compounded because I didn't know what I know now. First of all, I didn't know the love of God and I didn't know how to love myself. I also told Jay that the vagina is the greatest source of pleasure, and also the greatest source of pain for women. Naturally, he wanted me to expound on that comment. I will also do the same for you all. Physical intimacy can be a very beautiful experience. Two people who are in love wholly, totally, and deeply coming together to express their love with this act that God intended for husband and wife can be amazing. The vagina is also the gateway for humans to born into this world. Now, on the flip side; the greatest source of pain part; we have shared the most sacred part of ourselves with someone who may not remember our names the next day, may not want to remember our names, or they are not ready to commit to us the way we absolutely want them to. And for some women, what will they do? They will keep on sharing their bodies with this undeserving man with the hopes that he will change his mind one day.

I met an older guy when I was 18 years old on Mardi Gras Day. He was the cousin of my best friend. I was hanging out with her family for the day. We all had a good time. The guy and I exchanged numbers. He actually was living out of town at the time. Fast forward a month or so later. He comes back in town. I was so excited to see him again. I put on the best outfit I had. I couldn't wait for him to pick me up. I'm thinking we are going out to dinner, and perhaps do something fun like walk in the French Quarters. Imagine how I felt when he picked me up and we went straight to a hotel room. We never discussed going to one, and honestly (even though it was many moons ago) I don't remember us discussing having sex. I didn't object, I didn't say one word against being there. Because in my mind, I thought he really liked me and we were a couple. So, I stayed the night with him. And, we did become a long distance couple. But that relationship brought me a lot of heartache and pain. Looking back, as I think about this story from time to time,  and how I set myself up for that pain . I was an 18 year old girl smitten with a 27 year old guy.

I wasn't sure if I would include that story into this post. I didn't discuss it on the podcast. But, I hope that maybe it will help someone, perhaps another young girl make better choices. I'm not nearly the emotional, insecure, unsure of herself, low-self esteem having person I was years ago. I don't want to come across like I'm Mother Theresa either. I've had my share of mistakes even in adulthood when it comes to sex. However, I'm at a place in my life where, I don't want to feel the pain that has resulted in some prior sexual experiences. My prayer is that I continue to wait on God to send me a husband whom I can share my total self with; mind, body and soul. I pray that we all make wise choices when it comes to physical intimacy. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

To hear me go into depth on this subject, listen to my podcast with Jay Mayo by clicking the link below.

Right to R.E.A.L. Love Radio: Personal Development | Relationships