Friday, July 26, 2013

Daddyless Daugthers

Recently I was watching Iyanla Vazant on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Her show was about Daddyless Daugthers. I was watching and listening to her, Oprah, the panel of black, male guests and the audience comprised of women of all ages, and ethnicity. All the women who spoke each had their own story, their own pain and heartache over being a daddyless daughter. And the ones who didn't speak didn't have to because their anguish was written all over their faces. This one particular young lady stood up and asked a question ( I'm sorry I can't remember her name or the exact question.) She was a young, black woman with 3 kids by 3 different men. She was immediately brought before Iyanla and before I knew it I was in tears for her. She was saying how she tries to overcompensate with her kids to make up for the mistakes she made as a result of being a daddyless daughter. The cycle has repeated itself with her children because they are daddyless kids. ( She has 2 daughters and a son).

I immediately had an epiphany. Daddyless daughters often times raise daddyless daughters themselves. Although I had a stepfather whom I loved dearly even after he and my mom divorced I still considered him my dad but it didn't remove that longing I felt for my biological father. The pain and rejection I felt for years caused me to gravitate towards those who didn't care about me at all. Now I'm a mom raising four beautiful girls but they too are daddyless.

We all know that the first relationship a girl has with a man is with her father. I have always said that promiscuity is procreated when a guy comes a long and shows a girl something she has never seen before. Dads, don't allow a guy to be the first to introduce your daughter to a nice dinner where she can sit down with a knife and fork, or introduce her to shopping sprees, traveling and other nice things of this world. If it's new to her and a guy introduces her to it then she will immediately think she owes him something because no other man has ever treated her special before. Then a cycle will start that spirals out of control with low self-esteem driving that force. That is not what you want for your daughter.

And ladies, life happens. We don't all get Heathcliff Huxtable for a father. It's hurtful and disheartening but we can't allow not having a father be an excuse to make poor choices with dyer, lifelong consequences. It's time to rise above it and show the fathers what they missed out on and can't take credit for. It's time to break generational curses and stereotypes and press forward. And in pressing forward let's forgive. Let's forgive the daddies who weren't there and more importantly let's forgive ourselves.

~Tasha Mac


5 comments:

  1. An amazing blog post. I can't add anything to it.

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  2. Very moving. It's like looking in the mirror.

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  3. Thank you Kama. It's like that for a lot of us.

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  4. Tasha Mac thank you for this amazing insight!
    I watched my dad bury my mom after 45 years of marriage. He wasn't perfect but he taught me men don't leave.
    Now after 23 years of marriage I passing that message to my daughter and 2 sons, but I need to do more than that. I need to prepare my princes to be a queen.
    Thanks again for the powerful post.
    Now off to a shopping spree...

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