It Takes Courage To Be Real

I know yall are wondering where I've been. It's been a long time since I've blogged. To be quite honest, I've been here, there, and everywhere; no, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Well, I'm coming back to myself, and I have a lot I'd like to talk about.

The new 21st century slogan (well one of them at least) is "Be Real." I social network very heavily. It's what I like to do and I get a lot of good information from it. However, I see people being called out all the time for being fake, unreal, lying, and just for whatever. Everyone wants everyone to be real. And, I agree people shouldn't be lying to others about anything, I also believe that people should be honest with themselves.

A couple of months ago I attended a social event for a women's empowerment group I'm a part of called Stilettos on the Pavement. The guest speaker mentioned that she picked up a book by a known journalist in my hometown named Sally Ann Roberts. Sally Ann mentioned in her book that it takes courage to be real. As I allowed that to sink in, I had my own little private epiphany. I said, she is absolutely right. People say they want your realness, but are they ready for it? More importantly, are you ready for your realness? I'll be the first to admit, I'm not always ready for what's real with me. But, at some point, I have to face it, own it, stop running from it and deal with it. However, until I am ready to deal with my own real, I can't give it to you. Because if I'm not ready for it, then you definitely won't be. Being real sounds good when you're telling a person to just be real with you, you can handle it. I know what I'm talking about because I received a dose of realness lately that I thought I was ready for, but when it was given to me, I quickly realized that it was more like sour grapes. Although it was necessary, it left me in a place where I was forced to deal with some of my own reality. More often than not, people fabricate situations,  and circumstances to hide the pain of their own bleak reality. It's easier to post a picture of your happy marriage, big house, and new shoes, than it is to actually deal with the problems that actually exists.  When a person gathers the courage to be real, they are making the steps to be accountable, responsible, and take charge of their life. It's not always an easy thing. Because sometimes, what we discover about ourselves and others, can be a harsh reality. However, it is better to be honest with yourself and with others. Being real is a spiritual cleansing. It's soul satisfying and it's weight lifting. But you have to be ready and prepared for it. Sometimes being real may cause you to lose some people. But it's worth it, if you find yourself in the process. So before you go calling out people for not keeping it 100 as the young people ( and the old ones too) like to say, make sure you are being that very thing you are calling them out for.

~Tasha Mac

I Wish I Had Never Had Sex

I know some of you looked at the title and was like what in the world is this chic talking about, she wish she'd never had sex. And, I'm cool with that. I understand that sex is a very real and important part of human nature. After all, it is at the very bottom on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs chart alongside breathing and food. So, I get that it is pretty important. In actuality, I don't wish I had never had sex. I am a mom of four beautiful girls and one beautiful granddaughter. And, I would never have had any of them if I were still a virgin. However, do I wish I had waited a lot longer? Most definitely.

I recently participated in a podcast with Jay Mayo, the host of Right to R.E.A.L. Love and the title was the same as this blog post. In the podcast, I talked about the pain and dissatisfaction that had come as a result of unwise sexual experiences. I described to Jay the desire to be loved and to feel love.  I thought seeking comfort in the arms of a man would make me feel pretty, make me feel wanted and/or at least make the hurt of rejection I felt from my biological dad go away. However, I was wrong. All of those bad feelings were compounded because I didn't know what I know now. First of all, I didn't know the love of God and I didn't know how to love myself. I also told Jay that the vagina is the greatest source of pleasure, and also the greatest source of pain for women. Naturally, he wanted me to expound on that comment. I will also do the same for you all. Physical intimacy can be a very beautiful experience. Two people who are in love wholly, totally, and deeply coming together to express their love with this act that God intended for husband and wife can be amazing. The vagina is also the gateway for humans to born into this world. Now, on the flip side; the greatest source of pain part; we have shared the most sacred part of ourselves with someone who may not remember our names the next day, may not want to remember our names, or they are not ready to commit to us the way we absolutely want them to. And for some women, what will they do? They will keep on sharing their bodies with this undeserving man with the hopes that he will change his mind one day.

I met an older guy when I was 18 years old on Mardi Gras Day. He was the cousin of my best friend. I was hanging out with her family for the day. We all had a good time. The guy and I exchanged numbers. He actually was living out of town at the time. Fast forward a month or so later. He comes back in town. I was so excited to see him again. I put on the best outfit I had. I couldn't wait for him to pick me up. I'm thinking we are going out to dinner, and perhaps do something fun like walk in the French Quarters. Imagine how I felt when he picked me up and we went straight to a hotel room. We never discussed going to one, and honestly (even though it was many moons ago) I don't remember us discussing having sex. I didn't object, I didn't say one word against being there. Because in my mind, I thought he really liked me and we were a couple. So, I stayed the night with him. And, we did become a long distance couple. But that relationship brought me a lot of heartache and pain. Looking back, as I think about this story from time to time,  and how I set myself up for that pain . I was an 18 year old girl smitten with a 27 year old guy.

I wasn't sure if I would include that story into this post. I didn't discuss it on the podcast. But, I hope that maybe it will help someone, perhaps another young girl make better choices. I'm not nearly the emotional, insecure, unsure of herself, low-self esteem having person I was years ago. I don't want to come across like I'm Mother Theresa either. I've had my share of mistakes even in adulthood when it comes to sex. However, I'm at a place in my life where, I don't want to feel the pain that has resulted in some prior sexual experiences. My prayer is that I continue to wait on God to send me a husband whom I can share my total self with; mind, body and soul. I pray that we all make wise choices when it comes to physical intimacy. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

To hear me go into depth on this subject, listen to my podcast with Jay Mayo by clicking the link below.

I Wish I Had Never Had Sex  

Run Tony Run

It's been a couple of months since my last blog. I've been working, churching ( yes, I made that word up but I wanted to keep with the ing theme), serving, mothering, studying and doing everything else that makes me wear this S on my chest. But if you have read any of my blogs then you're probably asking yourself, "well Tasha Mac, how is that any different from your normal routine?" I'm so glad you asked. I've been taking on a new venture as of lately. Yes, I have managed to fit another task into my already hectic, but busy life. However, this is so worth the additional energy I conjure up at the end of day when I get off work and then head over to the campaign's headquarters. 

If you haven't figured it out by now, I've been volunteering on a political campaign. To be exact, Councilman Tony T. Yarber is running for Mayor of the city of Jackson, MS. I'm usually a behind the scenes political junkie. However, when someone who has a vision I wholeheartedly believe in is right in my backdoor, it was time to not just tweet about it but be about it.  So then with all of that being said, who is Tony Yarber?  I can give you a well-thought out, political answer. However, that will not say anything about who he is. Councilman Yarber is a man of God, a husband, father, son, brother, friend, educator, servant of the people and leader of the leaders. I had the pleasure of walking alongside of him, his family, campaign staff and other volunteers in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Jackson. As I'm signing up parade goers for volunteer work, I see the cheers, the love and devotion the people have for the Councilman and his family. I kept hearing phrases such as " he's a good man, they are good people, great man of God, he is my former principal." I'm just taking it all in as I'm writing down names and thanking people for their support. But, that day I honestly said to myself, people really love and respect him. And more than that, they believe in him. The people of this city needs a mayor who they can truly relate to and one who has our best interest at heart. What makes me think he has our best interest at heart? I can hear it in his voice whenever he addresses a crowd of supporters. He delivers his messages without political, propaganda and agendas, but with sincerity, clarity, passion, conviction, grace, and more importantly humility. Last week while volunteering at the campaign headquarters, I met a young lady who began to tell me a story about how she became connected with the Councilman and his wife. She said some years ago her and her husband were living in a small town in Mississippi about two hours away from Jackson. They had lost a child. The Yarbers drove to the graveside service to be of service to the family in whatever way they were needed. She was telling me this story and she was still in awe over the servants hearts of the Yarbers and how they were there to help her and her family during such a difficult time. I thought that was awesome and one of the many reasons why this city needs him so much. I remember when Trayvon Martin was tragically killed in 2012, Councilman Yarber led rallies, marched and gathered supporters not just for Trayvon, but against the senseless killings that take place in our own communities and communities abroad. He didn't rally as a politician, he rallied as a father, as a black man who was once 17 years old. 

Why do I support Tony Yarber? As a single mom of four daughters, I have faced many hardships and challenges along the way. However, I believe Jackson is a great place to raise a family with morals, values and to be decent, productive citizens. It is important to me that my girls accomplish two tasks in life; first and foremost they must serve the Lord God with their whole hearts and minds and secondly they must get a good education. Tony Yarber has a plan for this city that will assist me in guiding them along the way. I believe in his vision for change because he is the change that I and so many others want to see. 

On April 22nd the voters of Jackson, MS will have the opportunity to vote for proven leadership that is Tony T. Yarber. 

***Disclaimer***

I am not receiving any financial gain from this blog. This blog is the expressed written opinion of Tasha Mac. I was not asked by Tony Yarber or any member of his campaign staff to write this blog. This blog is intended to share my opinion of the candidate I support as the next mayor of the city of Jackson. 

Life Lessons from a Macanista: The Real on Being a Teenage Mother

Congratulations! You're going to be a mommy! It sounds so exciting and sweet, doesn't it? Or maybe it doesn't when you're still in high school, or just started college, you either don't have a job or the one you have only pays for your weave, your club entrance fees and your bi-weekly outfit that's on sale at Rainbow. Now some of you may say ouch Tasha Mac, why are you going in like that with this blog? That's because it's time that someone broke down the real deal when it comes to being a teenage mother. Yes, babies are sweet, innocent, precious and they are gifts from God. I truly believe all that. However, babies aren't an ornament that you get to look at and admire, leave on the shelf and say I may buy it later. Babies are living, breathing, human beings that require a lot of financial resources, time and parents who are physically, mentally and emotionally stable to meet their needs 24 hours a day. If you haven't picked it up by now, I know a thing or two, or three when it comes to teenage pregnancy. I am a byproduct and a recipient of it. And if that doesn't convince you that I know something about it, my 19 year old daughter will be giving birth to her daughter any day now. I'm not writing this blog to air my dirty laundry, embarrass my daughter or look for sympathy. What's done is done. However, it's time out for sugar coating, and for girls believing that it can't happen to them and/or their boyfriends love them so well and will stick by their side when the bun starts rising in the oven. I'm not boy-bashing with this blog either. I want young ladies to be quick to open their eyes instead of their legs.

You're pregnant now. What is your plan? Yes, I said your plan. Please don't start off by thinking.... "we're going to get an apartment, I'm going to finish school and get a job." And my personal favorite, we're getting married after high school. It all sounds so laughable to me. Those words flew out of my mouth and so many others' mouths that I know. Like it's just that simple. Let me tell you what's really going to happen...

First of all you are going to be an EMOTIONAL WRECK. You are too young to fully comprehend and process what has happened. What you have allowed yourself to get into. Your mind will flip-flop and you will not make any sound decisions. Trust me I know. If you are with the guy, you will be more concerned about the effects this pregnancy will have on your so-called relationship than what effects it will have on your life, the unborn child or your family who will ultimately be the ones emotionally, mentally and most of all financially supporting you and your child. I know you have heard many success stories about teenage mothers who "made it." Those who "rose above the adversity" went on to earn four degrees, rescued orphans in Haiti, taught a village how to read and write and made pancake breakfasts for underprivileged children on the weekends. And believe me, I'm not discounting anyone's personal triumphs or achievements. The truth of the matter is, I've earned a college degree, have a great job and I'm working on my Master's degree. However, where is the in between in these stories. People talk about the glory without giving you the WHOLE story. No one talks about what all they went through before they got to the promised land of teenage parent after life. And let me give you some more harsh reality. The life of being a teenage mother has a lot of life-long, lingering emotional effects on the teen mother and her children. While you may one day be financially stable, emotional scars are a lot harder to hide and sometimes take even longer to heal.

Single mothers, especially teenage single mothers have to deal with disappointment from family members and often times themselves. And that load can be heavier to carry than the baby growing inside of them. Teenage mothers often don't have money. Especially during the pregnancy, so they constantly have to ask or hope someone has pity on them to give them something or buy them food to satisfy those pregnancy cravings. Meanwhile, oh yes, where is Mr. Loverman, the baby's daddy himself? One day he's with you, the next day he's wishing you would have had that abortion. Because he isn't ready for this life-altering reality. But you're thinking, he's a good guy, he comes from a good home, or he didn't have a father so he wouldn't do that to our child. Honey, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard it or even said it myself, I promise I wouldn't be ironing clothes for work tomorrow. I'd be telling my driver what time to pick me up to drop me off at my yacht. The hard truth is, he isn't carrying the kid, he will not be there for the every two hour feedings, he will not make the decision between shoes for the baby or buying toothpaste for the house. And what about the strain this will have on your family. Even if your family can financially support you and the baby with ease, their life is altered as well. All of a sudden a baby is coming into the home. You have to get to your doctor's appointments, you need care and support. And they are your family so no matter how they feel about what you've done they will be there. But is that fair? No, but we all know life isn't fair. Families do what they must to take care of their own. But trust me, you won't feel good about it. You know you need them and what you've done has not only affected you but them also.

What should you do? PREVENTATIVE MAINTENANCE. I know young people are going to have sex. I wish everyone would wait until they are married and able. However, I would be stupid and foolish to tell you to practice abstinence and be done with it. You won't have to worry about pregnancy or diseases if you just don't do it. Let's be real here. Your hormones are all over the place and the more your parents and pastors tell you not to do it the more you will. So with that being said, protect yourselves. Birth control, condoms, shots, whatever it takes for you not to have to put yourself through all of the drama I've been talking about. Birth control isn't hard to get. Educate yourself. Talk to someone. Listen this is 2014. We as adults know teenagers are having more sex than they do at the playboy mansion. Let someone know you are trying to be proactive when it comes to your sexual health before you are having a different conversation discussing your due date.


*****Disclaimer*****
This blog is not intended to promote abortion or scare anyone into harming an unborn or living child in ANY WAY , SHAPE, FORM OR FASHION. This blog is only meant to educate and provide information based on my experiences. If  you or someone you know is pregnant, please do not resort to heinous, criminal and inhumane acts to undo a pregnancy. There are plenty of organizations that can and will provide guidance and direction if you are in need of help. 

Reflection and Revelation: My 2013 Year in Review

I know I'm late with this blog post. I've been working on it for almost a week now. And while it's seven days into the new year, I'm still going to publish it. People all over the world couldn't wait for 2014 to make its debut. And I was one of them. Not because 2013 was a horrible year. ( That was 2012.) But because a new year for me brings new dreams, new goals and a hope that what didn't happen last year will definitely happen for me this year. 

 Let me back track and tell you what went on in 2013 and some of what I learned. The year 2013 didn't waste anytime bringing about changes in my life. On January 9, 2013 the company I worked for laid off all employees in the Jackson office. Here I was beginning the new year unemployed. I have to admit I was pissed off and angry at the company for doing what they had done to us all. However, something else happened that lifted the burden of being unemployed a little. Something totally unexpected yet very welcomed. One of my friends told me how he felt about me and asked to come out of the "friend zone." As soon as he got the words out of his mouth, I felt the chemistry and I told him I would like to see where it goes. This occurred the week after the lay off and I have to say we've been together and happy ever since. I know you're thinking it's wonderful that I'm dating a great guy but what about finding a job? I'm getting to that part. The company laying me off was probably the best thing that could have happened to me both personally and professionally. Personally because the guy I'm dating was not only a friend, but a former coworker at the same company I was laid off from. And maybe he would have never came out of the friend zone had we still been working together. Professionally, because I am now working for one of the top 50 Accounting and Business Advisory Firms in the country. Sometimes God will close a door and open a few more for you that you would have never thought possible. I am so happy with my new employer in my new position. The company is a great place to work and there is plenty of growth potential. And yes, my guy is employed too.

Last year I learned so many things with the changes that took place in my life. For one thing, always have a back up career plan. Even if it's no more than keeping your resume up to date. Always job search from time to time even if you're not looking. At least you'll know what jobs are in demand the most and what skills you may need to acquire or polish up. I learned how to be loved and how precious it really is. I say this because my guy loves me with such compassion and so genuinely. He is the most thoughtful person I've ever met. And I also say this because last year was a year of loss for many people. Many of my friends lost their best friends. I thought that was so odd that people were losing their best friends. I saw the pain and anguish they experienced first hand and it broke my heart. It made me wanna love more, forgive more, and live more. We always say life is too short. And now the kids are wearing out the term "YOLO" ( You Only Live Once).  And honestly, those are true statements. It's time out for people having a new lease on life in January and by March it's back to the same old ways, same old thinking. 

This blog post is a little different from what I've written before. I just felt the need to share some of my reflections with my readers. I also want you to know how much I appreciate your visits to my blog. And  I do plan on writing more this year because I have so much to share with you all. I want you all to really get to know me this year through my writing. I want you to feel me and understand me. I promise not to keep my distance this year. I hope that you will be along for the ride with the Tasha Mac Chronicles. Talk to you later.