Why Am I Not The Parent My Mom Was?

Last night my 16 year old daughter came into my room and said she wanted to talk with me about something. Of course I obliged her because anytime your kid actually wants to talk with you, you immediately stop doing the 12 tasks you were doing simultaneously and give her your undivided attention. She was on a mission to stay home from school the next day. Let me tell y'all, my kid had a speech, a presentation and supporting documents all prepared to present her case to me. She was talking so fast, she got out all 6000 words in one breath. I'm laughing hysterically at what is taking place in my bedroom. She is saying mom, please stop laughing. She actually had a text message on her phone from one of her teachers saying there would not be anything going on in her classroom tomorrow and she'll only be checking folders if any student had not turned theirs in. I'm sitting in my bed amazed at how well she presented her case to me. ( She is going to make a great lawyer). She says, please mom let me stay home tomorrow. I said, I need to ponder and pray about it. She says, I will ask you again at 6:30 in the morning. Needless to say, she won because I did allow her to stay home.

The whole time she was presenting her case to me, I'm thinking, my mom would not even listen to any foolishness like this when I was 16. More so, I knew better than to ask. So, my next question to myself was, Why am I not the parent my mom was to me growing up? Don't misunderstand this blog, I'm not discrediting my parental skills, however, I can admit at times, I am way more accommodating to my children than my parents were to me. I think part of it is the guilt from being a single parent. We try to make up for things here and there when we can. Another part of it is, I am tired, and you caught me at the right moment. My mom investigated everything when I was growing up. A big difference with me and my mom is I have way more responsibility as a parent. My mother had more time to investigate during certain phases of my life when she was a stay at home mom. I'm a  mom among many other titles so I try to give my girls a little bit more leeway than I was given. Although they accuse me of being overly strict.

I do think my kids and many others have a more relaxed life than what I had and their parents for that matter. Kids today are the most spoiled children with a strong sense of entitlement I've ever seen. But to some degree that's our fault as parents. I can own that. I have good kids, don't get me wrong but the things I have to stay on them about like chores, my mother never had to stay on me about. I can remember if I didn't clean the kitchen at night, my mother would wake me up out of my sleep to clean it. That was rough. My girls have gone to bed without doing chores and I never wake them up out of their sleep to do them. I will assert punishments where it hurts; such as removing electronics from their possession. For my 16 year old, this tactic  works wonders.   The problem with some of us parents is that we want our kids to have it way easier than we did. But we are ruining them in some ways. It's okay to give them a great life, but every now and again, some old school parenting will not hurt them.

2015 Highlights, Achievements and Lessons

I can and can't believe that in a few days, 2015 is over. This has been a roller coaster of year. As you can tell from the picture above, I did it! I finally finished my graduate program on December 12th. I have officially earned my Master's in Public Administration. Although the program was only 18 months , it was a long road mentally and emotionally. However, I thank God that it is over and I can move on to the next chapter of my life.

If  you have followed my blog or any of my social media sites (especially Facebook), you know this Master's Degree is so special to me because of my plight of single motherhood; working full-time, raising four girls, helping my oldest with her daughter, ( single nanahood), running a household and keeping my sanity all at the same time. I've been a mom ever since the age of 17 years old. And while I've been legally wed twice, I've never had a real marriage. My girls and I lived in a homeless shelter for a couple months some years ago and we are survivors of Hurricane Katrina from our hometown of New Orleans, La. People doubted me at times; didn't believe that I would overcome stereotypes of the black, single mother and do something with my life. For me, my accomplishments are not about proving anything to anyone who didn't believe in me. They are to inspire someone to believe in themselves.

In May, I celebrated my 20 year high school class reunion with old friends and classmates. It was a weekend I will never forget. My classmates are beautiful, genuine, kind and great people. I'm so proud of them individually and all of us collectively. We partied literally like we were back in 1995. The spirit of unity was overwhelming. I could not have been a part of a better class. We danced together, literally took thousands of pictures together, sang together, ate together and prayed together. We also showed our love and respect for our classmates who have gone home to be with the Lord. And, it was also my birthday weekend which completely added to the awesome sauce of it all.

In August, I had the honor and the privilege of serving as a co-host of the first ever "What If" Women's Conference in Jackson, MS. I am a part of an amazing group of women who participate in quarterly experiences that uplift, inspire, and encourage one another to reach and achieve their full potential. The organization's founder named the group "Stilettos On The Pavement." The What If Conference simply means . . . " What If" we as women support one another with actions instead of tearing one another down with our words? "What If" I support your business? "What If" I encourage you to go back to school? And so on. . . Amazing things can happen in our communities by simply asking "What If"? It was an extraordinary day of revelation, rejuvenation, unity and growth. I was honored to be a part of something so moving and uplifting.

I've shared some of my most memorable highlights and achievements of the year. I've learned some valuable lessons this year as well. I'm all for being a continuous learner in and out of the classroom. In my last blog I talked about getting out of my own way; about how I over analyze everything in my life. I am still working on that; however, I feel as if I've gotten so much better. I've learned to pace myself, and not sweat the small stuff so much. I'm learning that I can't be great at everything; at least not in the beginning. I'm truly enjoying rediscovering newness about myself in my singleness. Yes, I'm still single, although, I have a nice long distance friendship with a guy who has managed to keep my attention for some months now. He encourages me, makes me laugh and he has stimulating conversation. And guess what, I can live with that. Also, I'm learning how to not think that I'm a failure as a parent every time my kids do something I don't agree with or when they make a mistake. You guys won't believe the things that truly "unbothers" me at this stage in my life. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting older. Whatever it is, it's working. I am learning how to pray, give them the word of God, tell them right from wrong and allow them to make their own choices whether they are good or whether they are mistakes. I have noticed by me doing this, my hair is not graying as fast anymore (seriously). This does not mean they get to do what they want in my household or in my presence; it means that I can lead the horse to the water but I can't make them drink. And, furthermore, it means, I can still be their mother and live my life on my terms no matter what they are doing.

I am not going to get all cliché on you guys with the "New Year" jargon about 2016. I have goals, dreams, and plans for the new year; and you guys will read all about it (if God says the same) as it all unfolds. Until then, thank you so much for coming to my space and entering my world. I wish  you all blessings and prosperity in the new year ahead.

~Tasha Mac

Being Your Own Worst Enemy

It's Friday night and I'm supposed to be studying and doing homework. This is my last semester of graduate school. And, yes, while I'm super excited about that, I can't do anything I'm supposed to be doing at this moment until I get some of my other thoughts out of my head. There's so much noise going on between my two ears right now, until I hardly know where to begin with this blog. However, y'all bear with me as I proceed to get some of it out. 

Last night I realized something very profound about myself. My overthinking nature has finally caught up to me. I have always been a very risk averse person. The only time I am not is when it comes to going back to school. I will jump into that full throttle. That's because with school, I feel as though I have no other choice, it's now or never, do or die. I now wish I felt that way with everything else in my life. Although, my risk averse, overly cautious nature is the culprit of many bad decisions in my youth. So, now that I'm nearing 40, I'm carefully weighing everything, making sure all the I's are dotted and the T's are crossed before I make a move. And, while I'm doing that, life is steadily passing me by and God Himself is even growing weary of my cautious behavior. Whenever I'm not moving fast enough on instructions He has given me, He pushes me into a 12 foot pool of water and tells me to swim because He is guiding me and has given me a life jacket to not drown ( this last sentence is a metaphor. I hope y'all know that.) 

For me, timing has always been everything. I always feel as though I have to wait until the right time, when things are just right to make a move. And, that is so silly because the time will never be right to do anything. Hello, this is life, right? Murphy's law was designed to make us miserable. But instead of taking the good with the bad, and do what I want to do and make cupcakes, I'm still waiting for the good to mix with the great so I can bake a strawberry cake. ( Did y'all like that? My attempt at humor to dry some tears.)

So, let me give y'all the good, messed up part of what I call my illogical fallacy way of thinking. I met a guy who was/is totally awesome sauce by the way, but the setting wasn't perfect, the timing sucked due to circumstance, and whatever other excuses I made up in my mind to sabotage it, When, the two most important factors for me existed and I overlooked them: He has a great relationship with God ( not a fake one) and he totally LOVED me. Yes, I said loved in all caps in its past tense because it's not there anymore. We live in two different states and I allowed that in itself to come in between us. It's not like we lived on two different continents. But, I over thought the situation entirely way too much. And guess what now.... WAIT FOR IT.... When I realized I was so happy with him ( even with us being in two different states) I tried to do something about it, but IT'S TOO LATE. He has moved on and in love with someone else. And guess who's stuck licking her wounds, and nursing a broken heart and bruised ego? That would be me. But I have no one to blame but myself. All of the reasons I told myself why I couldn't be with him, I don't even  care about anymore. But, like I said, it's too late. He is happy and over me. The kiss of death was when he professed his love for his new lady and told me I'm a wonderful lady, yada, yada, yada... I had never felt so rejected and abandoned in all of my life. And believe me, I've felt that way before, but not like this.  However, as for me, (inserts sarcasm) well I still have my career, my education, my kids ( who are growing up and some are grown) and.. there is no and. That's it. Don't get me wrong, all of those are wonderful to me and give me great joy, but I got in my way, when I could have had more. But, I'm glad for the lessons that God has been showing me through all of this. It's just like God to teach me in order to reach me. 

I never realized before how much I was holding myself back from true happiness. I don't just mean with a guy, it's everything, I will talk about a vacation all day and night long, but will be afraid to go if I don't have just the right amount of money. It's good to be a planner, I just don't want to get to a point where I'm over analyzing everything. Being a great analytical thinker has gotten me far in my career, however, it has been hindering me in my personal life. 

The point I'm making is don't get caught up in the trap of over thinking and being too risk averse, you just may miss out on something wonderful. Another Mac lesson learned.