What's So Hard About Being Honest With People?

 

WARNING: This blog post may display the stereotypical "Angry Black Woman Syndrome."

Now, that I've given you a disclaimer up front, I can proceed with my thoughts. I have a friend who is in a great deal of emotional pain right now because a guy she loves was extremely dishonest with her. She wants answers that she'll probably never get. She keeps asking herself how could she have allowed this to happen? Why did he do this? Why didn't she see it? And so on and so forth. And, to be quite honest, those are all valid questions. However, I just don't understand why it's difficult for people to be honest about their intentions up front? Much to my chagrin, I have also been disappointed with relationships and dating. It has been astounding to say the least, that men who are supposed to be of a mature age are playing games with women and opening another chapter before they close the last one. How fair is that? And, if you are going to do that, at least be up front with the person whom you're bringing into this drama. That way, they can make their own decision to proceed or not. I posted a facebook status about this and someone commented that intentionally causing emotional pain to a person should be against the law; the same as if you physically harm a person you go to jail and face legal consequences. I agree with this. However, if this was the case, we'd probably all have a criminal record at some point in our lives. It's just wrong to use and mistreat a person who genuinely cares for you. I am so upset that my friend is going through this. I've been there and I understand how she feels.

Now, let's address the person whom we lie to the most: OURSELVES. Oftentimes, we can tell when a person is not being truthful with us but we ignore signs, believe their lies when we know what they are saying isn't true and/or choose to be silent. Someone should never be dishonest with us for any reason, but we shouldn't' be dishonest with ourselves also. We fail to protect our hearts by diving heart first in a situation with a person whom we know nothing about. The Bible tells us to protect our hearts for out of it flows the issues of life. We have a responsibility to guard and protect our hearts. When we allow our hearts to be disturbed without being vigiliant with its protection, we cause our peace to be disturbed. It's important we take time to get to know people before we hand over our hearts to them. I understand no matter how much we protect ourselves, we can't always avoid heartbreak. However, we can't love a person into loving us the right way. Maya Angelou said it best "When people show you who they are, believe them."

I Wish I Had Never Had Sex

I know some of you looked at the title and was like what in the world is this chic talking about, she wish she'd never had sex. And, I'm cool with that. I understand that sex is a very real and important part of human nature. After all, it is at the very bottom on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs chart alongside breathing and food. So, I get that it is pretty important. In actuality, I don't wish I had never had sex. I am a mom of four beautiful girls and one beautiful granddaughter. And, I would never have had any of them if I were still a virgin. However, do I wish I had waited a lot longer? Most definitely.

I recently participated in a podcast with Jay Mayo, the host of Right to R.E.A.L. Love and the title was the same as this blog post. In the podcast, I talked about the pain and dissatisfaction that had come as a result of unwise sexual experiences. I described to Jay the desire to be loved and to feel love.  I thought seeking comfort in the arms of a man would make me feel pretty, make me feel wanted and/or at least make the hurt of rejection I felt from my biological dad go away. However, I was wrong. All of those bad feelings were compounded because I didn't know what I know now. First of all, I didn't know the love of God and I didn't know how to love myself. I also told Jay that the vagina is the greatest source of pleasure, and also the greatest source of pain for women. Naturally, he wanted me to expound on that comment. I will also do the same for you all. Physical intimacy can be a very beautiful experience. Two people who are in love wholly, totally, and deeply coming together to express their love with this act that God intended for husband and wife can be amazing. The vagina is also the gateway for humans to born into this world. Now, on the flip side; the greatest source of pain part; we have shared the most sacred part of ourselves with someone who may not remember our names the next day, may not want to remember our names, or they are not ready to commit to us the way we absolutely want them to. And for some women, what will they do? They will keep on sharing their bodies with this undeserving man with the hopes that he will change his mind one day.

I met an older guy when I was 18 years old on Mardi Gras Day. He was the cousin of my best friend. I was hanging out with her family for the day. We all had a good time. The guy and I exchanged numbers. He actually was living out of town at the time. Fast forward a month or so later. He comes back in town. I was so excited to see him again. I put on the best outfit I had. I couldn't wait for him to pick me up. I'm thinking we are going out to dinner, and perhaps do something fun like walk in the French Quarters. Imagine how I felt when he picked me up and we went straight to a hotel room. We never discussed going to one, and honestly (even though it was many moons ago) I don't remember us discussing having sex. I didn't object, I didn't say one word against being there. Because in my mind, I thought he really liked me and we were a couple. So, I stayed the night with him. And, we did become a long distance couple. But that relationship brought me a lot of heartache and pain. Looking back, as I think about this story from time to time,  and how I set myself up for that pain . I was an 18 year old girl smitten with a 27 year old guy.

I wasn't sure if I would include that story into this post. I didn't discuss it on the podcast. But, I hope that maybe it will help someone, perhaps another young girl make better choices. I'm not nearly the emotional, insecure, unsure of herself, low-self esteem having person I was years ago. I don't want to come across like I'm Mother Theresa either. I've had my share of mistakes even in adulthood when it comes to sex. However, I'm at a place in my life where, I don't want to feel the pain that has resulted in some prior sexual experiences. My prayer is that I continue to wait on God to send me a husband whom I can share my total self with; mind, body and soul. I pray that we all make wise choices when it comes to physical intimacy. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

To hear me go into depth on this subject, listen to my podcast with Jay Mayo by clicking the link below.

I Wish I Had Never Had Sex  

Reflection and Revelation: My 2013 Year in Review

I know I'm late with this blog post. I've been working on it for almost a week now. And while it's seven days into the new year, I'm still going to publish it. People all over the world couldn't wait for 2014 to make its debut. And I was one of them. Not because 2013 was a horrible year. ( That was 2012.) But because a new year for me brings new dreams, new goals and a hope that what didn't happen last year will definitely happen for me this year. 

 Let me back track and tell you what went on in 2013 and some of what I learned. The year 2013 didn't waste anytime bringing about changes in my life. On January 9, 2013 the company I worked for laid off all employees in the Jackson office. Here I was beginning the new year unemployed. I have to admit I was pissed off and angry at the company for doing what they had done to us all. However, something else happened that lifted the burden of being unemployed a little. Something totally unexpected yet very welcomed. One of my friends told me how he felt about me and asked to come out of the "friend zone." As soon as he got the words out of his mouth, I felt the chemistry and I told him I would like to see where it goes. This occurred the week after the lay off and I have to say we've been together and happy ever since. I know you're thinking it's wonderful that I'm dating a great guy but what about finding a job? I'm getting to that part. The company laying me off was probably the best thing that could have happened to me both personally and professionally. Personally because the guy I'm dating was not only a friend, but a former coworker at the same company I was laid off from. And maybe he would have never came out of the friend zone had we still been working together. Professionally, because I am now working for one of the top 50 Accounting and Business Advisory Firms in the country. Sometimes God will close a door and open a few more for you that you would have never thought possible. I am so happy with my new employer in my new position. The company is a great place to work and there is plenty of growth potential. And yes, my guy is employed too.

Last year I learned so many things with the changes that took place in my life. For one thing, always have a back up career plan. Even if it's no more than keeping your resume up to date. Always job search from time to time even if you're not looking. At least you'll know what jobs are in demand the most and what skills you may need to acquire or polish up. I learned how to be loved and how precious it really is. I say this because my guy loves me with such compassion and so genuinely. He is the most thoughtful person I've ever met. And I also say this because last year was a year of loss for many people. Many of my friends lost their best friends. I thought that was so odd that people were losing their best friends. I saw the pain and anguish they experienced first hand and it broke my heart. It made me wanna love more, forgive more, and live more. We always say life is too short. And now the kids are wearing out the term "YOLO" ( You Only Live Once).  And honestly, those are true statements. It's time out for people having a new lease on life in January and by March it's back to the same old ways, same old thinking. 

This blog post is a little different from what I've written before. I just felt the need to share some of my reflections with my readers. I also want you to know how much I appreciate your visits to my blog. And  I do plan on writing more this year because I have so much to share with you all. I want you all to really get to know me this year through my writing. I want you to feel me and understand me. I promise not to keep my distance this year. I hope that you will be along for the ride with the Tasha Mac Chronicles. Talk to you later. 

Can Football Help or Hurt My Relationship?

Well it's that time of year again; pass the pigskin, grind on the gridiron. Football season has officially begun across the country. This can be a great time of year for couples who both love and appreciate the sport. There are many events and activities couples can participate in together to enjoy this great sport such as attending games together, watching games on TV, participating in online fantasy leagues, tailgating and of course engaging in conversation. For women, having a significant other or husband who's a football fanatic can be enhancing or horrifying depending on your level of interest.

 I am a southern girl so football was embedded in me at an early age. I have very fond memories of watching the games with my daddy. When I was really young, we had one TV and from August to the end of January ( back in the days when the Superbowl was at the end of January) our TV was on football. Personally, I love the sport. But that doesn't mean I want to live, eat, sleep and breathe the game. I know everyone is not into football. And I can't imagine why. But ladies if you'd rather be scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush than engage in football activities that doesn't make you a bad person. And you can survive the season, keep your sanity and your man's attention all at the same time. I have a list of Do's and Don'ts that will keep you winning this season:

DON'T:  Schedule events, outings or give him errands to run during game time. Ladies this is a big no, no. Don't play those " I wanna see if he loves me or football more games." First of all, you're an adult and should be in an adult relationship or marriage, so leave the game playing up to the professionals on the field. Secondly, your man has loved football long before he ever knew you existed. Don't try to come in between him and his enjoyment of the game. Football is way more than just a game for die-hard fans. 

DO: Make his favorite snacks. We all know men love food. And eating their faves while watching football is like cake and ice-cream or peanut butter and jelly. Sit down and watch with him. Now I know some of you are saying ( I knew she would say that.) Hear me out. You don't have to watch an entire game with him, but at least watch one quarter with him. He will appreciate your effort and attempt to participate in one of his favorite activities. And if the thought of watching any part of the game makes your insides hurt, then think about that wedding you dragged him to that he attended because of his love for you, or the family outing he attended out of town that he'd much rather had not. Relationships are comprise, sacrifice, consistency and selflessness. So get over yourself and watch a few minutes with him. During the commercials ask him a couple of questions and smile lovingly at his extensive knowledge of the sport. 

DON'T: Social network about him ignoring you during the games or how much you hate the sport. First of all you shouldn't post on social network about the troubles or not so good moments in your relationship anyway. But that's another blog for another day. Negativity brings contention and resentment to a relationship and you putting your negativity on social networking sites are childish and will probably bring up a conversation you could have avoided and don't want to have.  

DO: Find something to do while he's participating in sports activities. If he's out with friends watching a game or at a sporting event this is a great time for you to do something you enjoy. Instead of focusing on this is the 3rd game he's watched today, you could be catching up on some of your favorite shows, making phone calls to friends and family you don't talk to often, spending time with the kids or something else that is of your interest. To score extra points with your honey, if he's out text him and ask if he's having a good time or go in the living room and ask him if he needs anything. These small gestures go along way. 

So ladies, follow these do's and don'ts and you will score every time.