Why Am I Not The Parent My Mom Was?

Last night my 16 year old daughter came into my room and said she wanted to talk with me about something. Of course I obliged her because anytime your kid actually wants to talk with you, you immediately stop doing the 12 tasks you were doing simultaneously and give her your undivided attention. She was on a mission to stay home from school the next day. Let me tell y'all, my kid had a speech, a presentation and supporting documents all prepared to present her case to me. She was talking so fast, she got out all 6000 words in one breath. I'm laughing hysterically at what is taking place in my bedroom. She is saying mom, please stop laughing. She actually had a text message on her phone from one of her teachers saying there would not be anything going on in her classroom tomorrow and she'll only be checking folders if any student had not turned theirs in. I'm sitting in my bed amazed at how well she presented her case to me. ( She is going to make a great lawyer). She says, please mom let me stay home tomorrow. I said, I need to ponder and pray about it. She says, I will ask you again at 6:30 in the morning. Needless to say, she won because I did allow her to stay home.

The whole time she was presenting her case to me, I'm thinking, my mom would not even listen to any foolishness like this when I was 16. More so, I knew better than to ask. So, my next question to myself was, Why am I not the parent my mom was to me growing up? Don't misunderstand this blog, I'm not discrediting my parental skills, however, I can admit at times, I am way more accommodating to my children than my parents were to me. I think part of it is the guilt from being a single parent. We try to make up for things here and there when we can. Another part of it is, I am tired, and you caught me at the right moment. My mom investigated everything when I was growing up. A big difference with me and my mom is I have way more responsibility as a parent. My mother had more time to investigate during certain phases of my life when she was a stay at home mom. I'm a  mom among many other titles so I try to give my girls a little bit more leeway than I was given. Although they accuse me of being overly strict.

I do think my kids and many others have a more relaxed life than what I had and their parents for that matter. Kids today are the most spoiled children with a strong sense of entitlement I've ever seen. But to some degree that's our fault as parents. I can own that. I have good kids, don't get me wrong but the things I have to stay on them about like chores, my mother never had to stay on me about. I can remember if I didn't clean the kitchen at night, my mother would wake me up out of my sleep to clean it. That was rough. My girls have gone to bed without doing chores and I never wake them up out of their sleep to do them. I will assert punishments where it hurts; such as removing electronics from their possession. For my 16 year old, this tactic  works wonders.   The problem with some of us parents is that we want our kids to have it way easier than we did. But we are ruining them in some ways. It's okay to give them a great life, but every now and again, some old school parenting will not hurt them.

What my daughters don't understand

If you've read my bio or a couple of my other blogs then you know I am a single mom with four daughters. My girls are ages 18,16,13 and 12. And this is the reason why I told my hairstylist tonight as she was styling my hair that I am going to start dying it twice per month instead of once. Needless to say a lot goes on raising girls in a world of social media, iPhones, iPads, peer pressure that has heightened times 1000 since the 90's and reality TV. In my day I did it all; lying, bad attitude, making excuses, you name it. And while most would say that as I experience trials and tribulations raising my girls that I am just "getting it all back". I may agree with them on some level but I would say, that was then and this is now.

A few months ago I updated a Facebook status asking my friends what advice would they give to their younger selves? I have plenty I would say to younger Tasha Mac. I would warn her of all the heartache and pain she will experience if she takes this path, go this route and get with this person. In reality this is not an option. I understand that all of those experiences and life lessons polished me like sandpaper to be the woman I am today. Yet and still if I could have taken a different route to become the woman I am, no doubt I would have. So instead I try to impart my wisdom, experiences and life lessons on my daughters so they can avoid some of the pitfalls I made and make wiser, smarter choices to become virtuous, phenomenal, young women.

What they don't understand is that I've been there. I've used the excuse "my daddy wasn't there, my mom isn't listening, nobody understands me, I had a messed up childhood." I've used all of these phrases and then some for bad behavior that led to poor decision making, hard knocks, and slow progression. I had issues as a teenager and some of it was low self-esteem and a desire to wanna be loved and understood. As I got older I  realized there was no one to blame and hold accountable but myself for the decisions I made regarding my life.  However, teenagers today have much more contenders to deal with which makes their focus so much harder. They are living in a world where social media has replaced verbal and written communication, kids are more open and forceful with their sexuality, reality TV stars are the new sheros and heroes and single parent homes are at an all time high. I get all of that. And it makes the job of a parent especially a single parent that much harder because we are trying to get through all of that noise to raise well-productive kids into upstanding citizens who are able and capable of obtaining sustainability for themselves.

People close to me often tell me they are proud of me because "I did it. I made it." I always say thank you, and I appreciate that. But it took me 12 years, 4 kids and 2 failed marriages later to earn my college degree, realize my self-worth and reach my full potential. I am very proud of myself for overcoming adversity, stereotypes and obstacles to achieve all of the successes that I have. I just would have much rather stopped, took heed and listened to what someone tried to tell me a long time ago and stayed the course at a much younger age. That's all I am trying to do as a parent is help my girls stay the course and on the right track. It's scary at times and I pray, and cry, and sometimes shout and maybe kick myself mentally. But I am determined to get through to them because I am their mother no matter what.

I do believe experience is the best teacher and I know sometimes we all have to bump our heads to get it on straight again. It's just difficult as a mother to see your beloved daughters fall off track. All I can do is keep praying, give guidance and discipline where necessary.