Why Are Black Women Afraid To Need A Man?

I haven't even began writing anything and I can feel the darts being thrown my way, the neck rolls and the WTFs being thrown at me. And, why is that? It's because the idea, the notion, of a black woman, especially one who is beautiful, educated and got it going on needing a man is preposterous  by all accounts. Look at the picture for example, it depicts a beautiful sister who is poised and clearly educated. It's written all over her face that she doesn't "need a man" but it would be nice to have one. Her statements are contradictory. Now, I get that's a matter of opinion, but the fact remains that most black women (at least the ones I've encountered in my generation) feel this way. But is it right? Who taught us we don't need men? Is it our degrees? Yes, I have two degrees and about to have a third, but those degrees are not my soulmate. Those degrees don't protect me, love me, hold me and treat me like a queen. We as black women, have allowed society to trick us into believing we should and can do everything all on our own. We have fallen into the trap of keeping a good, black man out of the home and our lives because "we don't need a man."

But, what does the Bible say? I'll admit, I've been struggling with the area of submission in my relationship. Mostly because I thought that as long as I cooked, cleaned and never smelled like onion rings, that I was meeting my partner's needs. Boy, was I wrong. I also thought, as long as I was a good girl in public he'd appreciate that as well and know that I was submissive because I knew how to act in the presence of family and friends. But, what about when he says "I don't want you to do this, and I need this from you." (Inserts thinking emoji). But, wait. No, buts about it. A good friend of mine told me, you can't be a power couple, if you are struggling with the source of power. And, he is right. I know I haven't answered my own question about what the Bible says, but I'm getting to that. (Be patient with me). It's okay to not know something. We don't know everything. However, you must be teachable and reachable. We (black women) must be willing to shift our paradigm to accept the blessing we prayed for. That's if you truly want it. I'll admit (because you know how much I love transparency, well you know if you follow my blog) it was hard for me to shift my paradigm from being an independent, single, black woman, to the totally submissive woman my partner needs and deserve. After all, it had been embedded in me for years that an independent woman was a strong woman.  I should desire a man, not need one. And spending years as a single parent doing everything on my own aided and abetted that thinking. It's also the reason why so many good, black women are single and a part of the reason the divorce rates are high. My 16 year old daughter tells me all the time that I'm beautiful, educated and I don't need a man. At this point I'm scared to correct her because I don't want her to think she needs a man before she completes high school. However, I'm going to have an honest conversation with her soon regarding why, we as black women need to change the way we think regarding relationships. Our daughters think as we think and do as we do regarding relationships.

Now, getting to what the Bible says... "you wives ought to submit to your husbands in EVERYTHING. I purposely capitalized everything because it stuck out to me as plain as day when I was reading it. God never half does anything. He didn't want there to be any ambiguity regarding the level of submission a wife should be on. Some people will look at that scripture and consider it to be subjective, however, submission is a critical part of a serious relationship/marriage. But, we'll never get there if we don't need our mate.

I can go on and on, and I'll do a part two to this blog on another date, but for now, I hope it helps someone.

What's So Hard About Being Honest With People?

 

WARNING: This blog post may display the stereotypical "Angry Black Woman Syndrome."

Now, that I've given you a disclaimer up front, I can proceed with my thoughts. I have a friend who is in a great deal of emotional pain right now because a guy she loves was extremely dishonest with her. She wants answers that she'll probably never get. She keeps asking herself how could she have allowed this to happen? Why did he do this? Why didn't she see it? And so on and so forth. And, to be quite honest, those are all valid questions. However, I just don't understand why it's difficult for people to be honest about their intentions up front? Much to my chagrin, I have also been disappointed with relationships and dating. It has been astounding to say the least, that men who are supposed to be of a mature age are playing games with women and opening another chapter before they close the last one. How fair is that? And, if you are going to do that, at least be up front with the person whom you're bringing into this drama. That way, they can make their own decision to proceed or not. I posted a facebook status about this and someone commented that intentionally causing emotional pain to a person should be against the law; the same as if you physically harm a person you go to jail and face legal consequences. I agree with this. However, if this was the case, we'd probably all have a criminal record at some point in our lives. It's just wrong to use and mistreat a person who genuinely cares for you. I am so upset that my friend is going through this. I've been there and I understand how she feels.

Now, let's address the person whom we lie to the most: OURSELVES. Oftentimes, we can tell when a person is not being truthful with us but we ignore signs, believe their lies when we know what they are saying isn't true and/or choose to be silent. Someone should never be dishonest with us for any reason, but we shouldn't' be dishonest with ourselves also. We fail to protect our hearts by diving heart first in a situation with a person whom we know nothing about. The Bible tells us to protect our hearts for out of it flows the issues of life. We have a responsibility to guard and protect our hearts. When we allow our hearts to be disturbed without being vigiliant with its protection, we cause our peace to be disturbed. It's important we take time to get to know people before we hand over our hearts to them. I understand no matter how much we protect ourselves, we can't always avoid heartbreak. However, we can't love a person into loving us the right way. Maya Angelou said it best "When people show you who they are, believe them."

I Am Not a Jumper

If you have heard of Steve Harvey (funny man turned talk show host/NY Times best selling author) then you know that one of his most popular mantras is "jump." Steve has had several shows related to people "jumping", taking a leap of faith and following their dreams and pursuing their passions. This is no ordinary jump. People have been challenged to leave their jobs and all of their financial security to start that business that's been burning in their chest for years, get married and a whole hosts of other things.

Jumping into your dreams and flying high on your faith until you are guided by that parachute that lands you safely into your passion sounds beautiful. Or does it? Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of people following their dreams and pursuing their passions. However, one day as I was watching the show, I had an epiphany. I took a mini trip in my mind down memory lane and also evaulated my current situation. I realized that I AM NOT A JUMPER. If you've read any of my prevuious blogs then you know that I've achieved some major milestones and have overcome great obstacles in my life. But, guess what? I didn't do those things because I jumped. I did them because I flew after I was pushed. See, I realize that not everyone follows the same route to accomplish their dreams. Jumping may work for you, but flying after I've been pushed has always worked for me. I guess because I am such a risk averse person. I've always erred on the side of caution. Everything I've ever done and accomplished is because I was pushed to do something more, something greater for me and my daughters. I made the decision to fly and land in greener pastures for me and my girls. You may be asking the question, Tasha, how were you pushed? My circumstances pushed me. Although I was a young mother, I knew I didn't want to be an uneducated welfare recipient. The thought of living that way pushed me into going to school and earning my degrees. A few months ago I lost my job at an an organization I truly loved. Although I loved the organization, I was not happy with my new work assignments. I had actually started to become miserable on my job. I didn't know what to do. Being as though I'm not a jumper, I tried really hard to make the most of it and tried to stick it out. However, it didn't work out and my position was eliminated leaving me unemployed. While I don't enjoy being unemployed (I'm diligently looking for my new season of employment), I don't have the anxiety I felt going to work everyday stressed. Some people may say I should have jumped and left prior to my position being eliminated, and perhaps they are right, but again, I'm not a jumper. Right now I am flying and when I land, I know my next opportunity will be the right one.

Whether you are a jumper, a flyer, a cruiser or a sprinter, dreams and passions are important. It doesn't matter which route you take to get there, what's important is that you get there and you are happy.

Why Am I Not The Parent My Mom Was?

Last night my 16 year old daughter came into my room and said she wanted to talk with me about something. Of course I obliged her because anytime your kid actually wants to talk with you, you immediately stop doing the 12 tasks you were doing simultaneously and give her your undivided attention. She was on a mission to stay home from school the next day. Let me tell y'all, my kid had a speech, a presentation and supporting documents all prepared to present her case to me. She was talking so fast, she got out all 6000 words in one breath. I'm laughing hysterically at what is taking place in my bedroom. She is saying mom, please stop laughing. She actually had a text message on her phone from one of her teachers saying there would not be anything going on in her classroom tomorrow and she'll only be checking folders if any student had not turned theirs in. I'm sitting in my bed amazed at how well she presented her case to me. ( She is going to make a great lawyer). She says, please mom let me stay home tomorrow. I said, I need to ponder and pray about it. She says, I will ask you again at 6:30 in the morning. Needless to say, she won because I did allow her to stay home.

The whole time she was presenting her case to me, I'm thinking, my mom would not even listen to any foolishness like this when I was 16. More so, I knew better than to ask. So, my next question to myself was, Why am I not the parent my mom was to me growing up? Don't misunderstand this blog, I'm not discrediting my parental skills, however, I can admit at times, I am way more accommodating to my children than my parents were to me. I think part of it is the guilt from being a single parent. We try to make up for things here and there when we can. Another part of it is, I am tired, and you caught me at the right moment. My mom investigated everything when I was growing up. A big difference with me and my mom is I have way more responsibility as a parent. My mother had more time to investigate during certain phases of my life when she was a stay at home mom. I'm a  mom among many other titles so I try to give my girls a little bit more leeway than I was given. Although they accuse me of being overly strict.

I do think my kids and many others have a more relaxed life than what I had and their parents for that matter. Kids today are the most spoiled children with a strong sense of entitlement I've ever seen. But to some degree that's our fault as parents. I can own that. I have good kids, don't get me wrong but the things I have to stay on them about like chores, my mother never had to stay on me about. I can remember if I didn't clean the kitchen at night, my mother would wake me up out of my sleep to clean it. That was rough. My girls have gone to bed without doing chores and I never wake them up out of their sleep to do them. I will assert punishments where it hurts; such as removing electronics from their possession. For my 16 year old, this tactic  works wonders.   The problem with some of us parents is that we want our kids to have it way easier than we did. But we are ruining them in some ways. It's okay to give them a great life, but every now and again, some old school parenting will not hurt them.

2015 Highlights, Achievements and Lessons

I can and can't believe that in a few days, 2015 is over. This has been a roller coaster of year. As you can tell from the picture above, I did it! I finally finished my graduate program on December 12th. I have officially earned my Master's in Public Administration. Although the program was only 18 months , it was a long road mentally and emotionally. However, I thank God that it is over and I can move on to the next chapter of my life.

If  you have followed my blog or any of my social media sites (especially Facebook), you know this Master's Degree is so special to me because of my plight of single motherhood; working full-time, raising four girls, helping my oldest with her daughter, ( single nanahood), running a household and keeping my sanity all at the same time. I've been a mom ever since the age of 17 years old. And while I've been legally wed twice, I've never had a real marriage. My girls and I lived in a homeless shelter for a couple months some years ago and we are survivors of Hurricane Katrina from our hometown of New Orleans, La. People doubted me at times; didn't believe that I would overcome stereotypes of the black, single mother and do something with my life. For me, my accomplishments are not about proving anything to anyone who didn't believe in me. They are to inspire someone to believe in themselves.

In May, I celebrated my 20 year high school class reunion with old friends and classmates. It was a weekend I will never forget. My classmates are beautiful, genuine, kind and great people. I'm so proud of them individually and all of us collectively. We partied literally like we were back in 1995. The spirit of unity was overwhelming. I could not have been a part of a better class. We danced together, literally took thousands of pictures together, sang together, ate together and prayed together. We also showed our love and respect for our classmates who have gone home to be with the Lord. And, it was also my birthday weekend which completely added to the awesome sauce of it all.

In August, I had the honor and the privilege of serving as a co-host of the first ever "What If" Women's Conference in Jackson, MS. I am a part of an amazing group of women who participate in quarterly experiences that uplift, inspire, and encourage one another to reach and achieve their full potential. The organization's founder named the group "Stilettos On The Pavement." The What If Conference simply means . . . " What If" we as women support one another with actions instead of tearing one another down with our words? "What If" I support your business? "What If" I encourage you to go back to school? And so on. . . Amazing things can happen in our communities by simply asking "What If"? It was an extraordinary day of revelation, rejuvenation, unity and growth. I was honored to be a part of something so moving and uplifting.

I've shared some of my most memorable highlights and achievements of the year. I've learned some valuable lessons this year as well. I'm all for being a continuous learner in and out of the classroom. In my last blog I talked about getting out of my own way; about how I over analyze everything in my life. I am still working on that; however, I feel as if I've gotten so much better. I've learned to pace myself, and not sweat the small stuff so much. I'm learning that I can't be great at everything; at least not in the beginning. I'm truly enjoying rediscovering newness about myself in my singleness. Yes, I'm still single, although, I have a nice long distance friendship with a guy who has managed to keep my attention for some months now. He encourages me, makes me laugh and he has stimulating conversation. And guess what, I can live with that. Also, I'm learning how to not think that I'm a failure as a parent every time my kids do something I don't agree with or when they make a mistake. You guys won't believe the things that truly "unbothers" me at this stage in my life. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting older. Whatever it is, it's working. I am learning how to pray, give them the word of God, tell them right from wrong and allow them to make their own choices whether they are good or whether they are mistakes. I have noticed by me doing this, my hair is not graying as fast anymore (seriously). This does not mean they get to do what they want in my household or in my presence; it means that I can lead the horse to the water but I can't make them drink. And, furthermore, it means, I can still be their mother and live my life on my terms no matter what they are doing.

I am not going to get all cliché on you guys with the "New Year" jargon about 2016. I have goals, dreams, and plans for the new year; and you guys will read all about it (if God says the same) as it all unfolds. Until then, thank you so much for coming to my space and entering my world. I wish  you all blessings and prosperity in the new year ahead.

~Tasha Mac

Being Your Own Worst Enemy

It's Friday night and I'm supposed to be studying and doing homework. This is my last semester of graduate school. And, yes, while I'm super excited about that, I can't do anything I'm supposed to be doing at this moment until I get some of my other thoughts out of my head. There's so much noise going on between my two ears right now, until I hardly know where to begin with this blog. However, y'all bear with me as I proceed to get some of it out. 

Last night I realized something very profound about myself. My overthinking nature has finally caught up to me. I have always been a very risk averse person. The only time I am not is when it comes to going back to school. I will jump into that full throttle. That's because with school, I feel as though I have no other choice, it's now or never, do or die. I now wish I felt that way with everything else in my life. Although, my risk averse, overly cautious nature is the culprit of many bad decisions in my youth. So, now that I'm nearing 40, I'm carefully weighing everything, making sure all the I's are dotted and the T's are crossed before I make a move. And, while I'm doing that, life is steadily passing me by and God Himself is even growing weary of my cautious behavior. Whenever I'm not moving fast enough on instructions He has given me, He pushes me into a 12 foot pool of water and tells me to swim because He is guiding me and has given me a life jacket to not drown ( this last sentence is a metaphor. I hope y'all know that.) 

For me, timing has always been everything. I always feel as though I have to wait until the right time, when things are just right to make a move. And, that is so silly because the time will never be right to do anything. Hello, this is life, right? Murphy's law was designed to make us miserable. But instead of taking the good with the bad, and do what I want to do and make cupcakes, I'm still waiting for the good to mix with the great so I can bake a strawberry cake. ( Did y'all like that? My attempt at humor to dry some tears.)

So, let me give y'all the good, messed up part of what I call my illogical fallacy way of thinking. I met a guy who was/is totally awesome sauce by the way, but the setting wasn't perfect, the timing sucked due to circumstance, and whatever other excuses I made up in my mind to sabotage it, When, the two most important factors for me existed and I overlooked them: He has a great relationship with God ( not a fake one) and he totally LOVED me. Yes, I said loved in all caps in its past tense because it's not there anymore. We live in two different states and I allowed that in itself to come in between us. It's not like we lived on two different continents. But, I over thought the situation entirely way too much. And guess what now.... WAIT FOR IT.... When I realized I was so happy with him ( even with us being in two different states) I tried to do something about it, but IT'S TOO LATE. He has moved on and in love with someone else. And guess who's stuck licking her wounds, and nursing a broken heart and bruised ego? That would be me. But I have no one to blame but myself. All of the reasons I told myself why I couldn't be with him, I don't even  care about anymore. But, like I said, it's too late. He is happy and over me. The kiss of death was when he professed his love for his new lady and told me I'm a wonderful lady, yada, yada, yada... I had never felt so rejected and abandoned in all of my life. And believe me, I've felt that way before, but not like this.  However, as for me, (inserts sarcasm) well I still have my career, my education, my kids ( who are growing up and some are grown) and.. there is no and. That's it. Don't get me wrong, all of those are wonderful to me and give me great joy, but I got in my way, when I could have had more. But, I'm glad for the lessons that God has been showing me through all of this. It's just like God to teach me in order to reach me. 

I never realized before how much I was holding myself back from true happiness. I don't just mean with a guy, it's everything, I will talk about a vacation all day and night long, but will be afraid to go if I don't have just the right amount of money. It's good to be a planner, I just don't want to get to a point where I'm over analyzing everything. Being a great analytical thinker has gotten me far in my career, however, it has been hindering me in my personal life. 

The point I'm making is don't get caught up in the trap of over thinking and being too risk averse, you just may miss out on something wonderful. Another Mac lesson learned. 

The Great Debate! Natural Hair versus Relaxed Hair

It's the new great debate: natural hair versus relaxed hair. This new war in the African American community seems to be the new dark skinned versus light skinned. For years, dark skinned women of color versus light skinned women of color was always the driving tool men used to separate African American women when it came to beauty, dating, etc.. Now there is a new culprit that seems to have taken shape as of the last five years. It's the war on hair. Every day I am seeing a status on Facebook from African American men about how us Black women need to "get back to our roots", " we need to accept ourselves as we truly are" and my personal favorite ( with much sarcasm) "non-natural sisters are enslaved in their minds or brainwashed by the slave-masters" because we refuse to conform to their Neanderthal idea of beauty. Please give me a break.

If you haven't guessed it by now, I am a non-natural sister. I relax my hair and I wear it in a jazzy, style. I do not love myself for this reason any less, nor do I think I am any less "natural" than a woman of color who chooses not to relax her hair with chemicals. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of women who do not relax their hair and they are beautiful. The whole debacle with men thinking women who choose to use chemicals in their hair are brainwashed or in some ways "less black" than other women is so ridiculous to me. And to make it even more interesting, the men I see posting their opinions are the so-called, pro-black, power to the people kind of guys. But, how are you for the people when you are a part of the problem? What I mean is, some guys are the first ones to talk about how black women aren't loved, respected and cared for the way we should be. However, you are adding to the list of those who are saying that we are not good enough, and never will be enough for whatever reason. Just because some of us choose to chemically treat our hair does not mean we are any less natural than a woman who decides not to. We are not trying to be like any other race or deny who we are as black women. We simply are doing what we WANT TO DO with our hair that makes us feel good about ourselves. Furthermore, every ounce of pain, pleasure and our purpose has been very natural to us.

Also, most of the guys who are so concerned about what a woman does with her hair are the same ones who are less concerned with their health and taking care of their temples. These same guys who are posting about a woman's hair are the same ones who are offended when someone tells them they should eat healthier and exercise regularly. I understand we all have a preference. I get it. However, the problem comes in when men start saying that a woman doesn't know who she is, or she's conforming and/or confused about herself because she relaxes her hair. It's degrading and very insulting. Guys, please stop with this foolishness over who's more natural and black because of hair. We as black women have enough to deal with as it is. We need y'all to love us, and accept us for who we are. Our minds are strong and we need y'all to help hold us up not try to bend us and we certainly don't need you all trying to pit us against one another. This foolishness is just another tool to divide women and pit them against one another. Help us to come together to be a movement for ourselves, our families, and our communities.

I'm Not Your Daddy

I have realized something within the last two weeks. Father's Day is the most controversial holiday on social media I've ever seen. For the last two weeks leading up to Father's Day my social media friends and associates had been posting memes and making statuses bashing single mothers and anyone who wants to celebrate a single mom on Father's Day. I mean it was just down right vicious. And, I have to be honest, I've only seen this behavior in the black community. I mean honestly, I think some people may have a better chance at getting along with an atheist on Christmas Day than they would at getting along with social media on Father's Day.

It's no secret that I am a single mom with four girls ( Yes, I'm still single). I have been a mom ever since I was 17 years old. For a long time I identified myself as both mom and dad on Father's Day. That's because it was so hard, and difficult and I was frustrated a lot and at times angry. I thought I was both mom and dad, not just on Father's Day but every day of the year. And, for total transparency, it was just only a few years ago when I stopped feeling that way. It's not because the social media community made me do so. It's because I have evolved and grown. I've let go of that past anger, and bitterness. Although, I'm at a different place in my life spiritually, mentally and emotionally doesn't mean I am upset at anyone who chooses to celebrate a single mom on Father's Day nor am I mad at any single mom who chooses to celebrate herself. I still get the Happy Father's Day texts from people who are close to me who have witnessed my struggles and pain. I don't expect nor desire anything on Father's Day. And believe me there has been some hurt and pain there from childhood to adulthood, but guess what? Now it's all good. One of my daughters sent me a meme via text the other day that said... when your mom isn't rich but she still makes stuff happen. And she added a note thanking me for everything I do for her and her sisters. I was so moved at that lovely sentiment. I didn't feel like I should be celebrated on Father's Day or repost it on Father's Day as a tribute to single motherhood.

Most of the bashing I've seen from people over the course of the past two weeks have been from men and women who do not know what it's like to be a single mom. Let me say this, if you have never had to make a dollar out of fifteen cents to feed your kids and yourself, please leave that woman alone. The life of a single mom is something to behold and to be told. And, I know many people will say but she slept with him, she knew he was not about anything when she was with him and much, much more. I understand all of that. However, now it's time to raise the child. You see, a single mom has to go find it when the father says he doesn't have it. And in most cases, he's not trying to look for it. It's that mom's job to make every day life happen, buy school clothes, and make birthdays and Christmas happen. And folks wonder why she hasn't let go of that pain and hurt yet. I say, give her time to heal. That's a pain that doesn't go away overnight. It's a process. Trust me, I know. I have been there and have the T-shirt. Instead of bashing her for likes and retweets, pray for her. Let her know it's okay and God will bless her and her children. There are way more important causes that we as a community can and should wage war over. But, the fact that a single mom wants to celebrate herself on Father's Day shouldn't be one of them. I am not trying to take away anything from the guys on Father's Day. You all deserve your gifts, hugs, kisses, and accolades just as much as moms on Mother's Day.

And ladies, don't fight fire with fire and don't fight satan with satan. Don't be on social media talking trash about your children's father. And it may be true. However, it isn't helping the situation. Put that in God's hands and do what you need to do for your children. And not letting the kids visit their father's (as long as it's a safe situation) is not helping the child either. Kids need so much more than money to survive. Do your best to have a co-parenting relationship with the father. The last thing we all want is for this cycle of children without fathers to continue.

Doing The Right Thing Isn't Always Easy

I would love to start this blog off by telling you all that this has been the best year of my life. However, it would be more than just a slight fabrication. I don't want to sound drab, but the truth is I've been dealing with some trials, and I've faced my fair share of challenges. But, that's all a part of living, right? Of course it is. If you've read any of my other blogs, you know I'm no stranger to trials and tribulations, but I'm no quitter either. With all of that said, it's mid-April and this year alone, I've dealt with the loss of two very important people in life. They both transitioned within three weeks time. So, I have a void in my heart that has left me feeling a little empty but the love I have for them keeps me going knowing they are both resting well in a better place.

Some days my plate is so full, the load gets so heavy, and I get overwhelmed with my responsibilities, tasks, and routines. There are days when I want to go off on social media, I feel like cussing, and I want to do whatever is going to please my flesh. Yes, I do feel like this at times. However, I'm at the point in my life where I am thinking before doing, more often than I did when I was in my 20s or even five years ago for that matter. Although, I want to sometimes run away from life and create a new satisfying one for however long, I know that a temporary "fix" will not fix anything. It's easy to say to yourself and to others, "do the right thing." Believe me, I say it a lot to myself, my kids, and to others I'm close to. I guess because, there was a time in my life where it seemed as if I constantly gravitated towards doing the wrong thing. Those decisions caused a great deal of suffering for me. I learned a lot of lessons the hard way, and some decisions have had lasting effects.  Don't get me wrong, I still have to have talks with myself ( and certainly with God) about staying on the right path. Temptation is everywhere and it knocks on my door harder when it seems as if my world is topsy turvy. But that's just like the devil, isn't it? There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have thought twice about doing some of the things that I steer clear of doing today. Some would say that shows my growth and maturity. And , I will agree. However, I just know that those wrong decisions I made NEVER WORKED OUT for me. I seriously think about what will I gain if I do this or that. And more importantly, what will I lose and/or miss out on if I do.

Doing the right thing can be an uphill battle. And it's hard when you see those you love on a path of destruction. You know nothing good will come from the decisions they are making, but they won't hear what you're saying. The hardest thing to do is let go, let God and let them go through it. I had my epiphany on constantly making wrong choices, and I'm glad I did. Wrong choices leads to feeling empty, lonely, despair, uncertainty and it disconnects you from God. I try as a parent, and as a leader to those around me, to instill positivity while being transparent as much as possible. However, we are all individuals and we all know that experience is the best teacher. I just pray and hope that my experiences and those of my loved ones comes from making wise, healthy choices.

It Takes Courage To Be Real

I know yall are wondering where I've been. It's been a long time since I've blogged. To be quite honest, I've been here, there, and everywhere; no, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Well, I'm coming back to myself, and I have a lot I'd like to talk about.

The new 21st century slogan (well one of them at least) is "Be Real." I social network very heavily. It's what I like to do and I get a lot of good information from it. However, I see people being called out all the time for being fake, unreal, lying, and just for whatever. Everyone wants everyone to be real. And, I agree people shouldn't be lying to others about anything, I also believe that people should be honest with themselves.

A couple of months ago I attended a social event for a women's empowerment group I'm a part of called Stilettos on the Pavement. The guest speaker mentioned that she picked up a book by a known journalist in my hometown named Sally Ann Roberts. Sally Ann mentioned in her book that it takes courage to be real. As I allowed that to sink in, I had my own little private epiphany. I said, she is absolutely right. People say they want your realness, but are they ready for it? More importantly, are you ready for your realness? I'll be the first to admit, I'm not always ready for what's real with me. But, at some point, I have to face it, own it, stop running from it and deal with it. However, until I am ready to deal with my own real, I can't give it to you. Because if I'm not ready for it, then you definitely won't be. Being real sounds good when you're telling a person to just be real with you, you can handle it. I know what I'm talking about because I received a dose of realness lately that I thought I was ready for, but when it was given to me, I quickly realized that it was more like sour grapes. Although it was necessary, it left me in a place where I was forced to deal with some of my own reality. More often than not, people fabricate situations,  and circumstances to hide the pain of their own bleak reality. It's easier to post a picture of your happy marriage, big house, and new shoes, than it is to actually deal with the problems that actually exists.  When a person gathers the courage to be real, they are making the steps to be accountable, responsible, and take charge of their life. It's not always an easy thing. Because sometimes, what we discover about ourselves and others, can be a harsh reality. However, it is better to be honest with yourself and with others. Being real is a spiritual cleansing. It's soul satisfying and it's weight lifting. But you have to be ready and prepared for it. Sometimes being real may cause you to lose some people. But it's worth it, if you find yourself in the process. So before you go calling out people for not keeping it 100 as the young people ( and the old ones too) like to say, make sure you are being that very thing you are calling them out for.

~Tasha Mac

I Wish I Had Never Had Sex

I know some of you looked at the title and was like what in the world is this chic talking about, she wish she'd never had sex. And, I'm cool with that. I understand that sex is a very real and important part of human nature. After all, it is at the very bottom on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs chart alongside breathing and food. So, I get that it is pretty important. In actuality, I don't wish I had never had sex. I am a mom of four beautiful girls and one beautiful granddaughter. And, I would never have had any of them if I were still a virgin. However, do I wish I had waited a lot longer? Most definitely.

I recently participated in a podcast with Jay Mayo, the host of Right to R.E.A.L. Love and the title was the same as this blog post. In the podcast, I talked about the pain and dissatisfaction that had come as a result of unwise sexual experiences. I described to Jay the desire to be loved and to feel love.  I thought seeking comfort in the arms of a man would make me feel pretty, make me feel wanted and/or at least make the hurt of rejection I felt from my biological dad go away. However, I was wrong. All of those bad feelings were compounded because I didn't know what I know now. First of all, I didn't know the love of God and I didn't know how to love myself. I also told Jay that the vagina is the greatest source of pleasure, and also the greatest source of pain for women. Naturally, he wanted me to expound on that comment. I will also do the same for you all. Physical intimacy can be a very beautiful experience. Two people who are in love wholly, totally, and deeply coming together to express their love with this act that God intended for husband and wife can be amazing. The vagina is also the gateway for humans to born into this world. Now, on the flip side; the greatest source of pain part; we have shared the most sacred part of ourselves with someone who may not remember our names the next day, may not want to remember our names, or they are not ready to commit to us the way we absolutely want them to. And for some women, what will they do? They will keep on sharing their bodies with this undeserving man with the hopes that he will change his mind one day.

I met an older guy when I was 18 years old on Mardi Gras Day. He was the cousin of my best friend. I was hanging out with her family for the day. We all had a good time. The guy and I exchanged numbers. He actually was living out of town at the time. Fast forward a month or so later. He comes back in town. I was so excited to see him again. I put on the best outfit I had. I couldn't wait for him to pick me up. I'm thinking we are going out to dinner, and perhaps do something fun like walk in the French Quarters. Imagine how I felt when he picked me up and we went straight to a hotel room. We never discussed going to one, and honestly (even though it was many moons ago) I don't remember us discussing having sex. I didn't object, I didn't say one word against being there. Because in my mind, I thought he really liked me and we were a couple. So, I stayed the night with him. And, we did become a long distance couple. But that relationship brought me a lot of heartache and pain. Looking back, as I think about this story from time to time,  and how I set myself up for that pain . I was an 18 year old girl smitten with a 27 year old guy.

I wasn't sure if I would include that story into this post. I didn't discuss it on the podcast. But, I hope that maybe it will help someone, perhaps another young girl make better choices. I'm not nearly the emotional, insecure, unsure of herself, low-self esteem having person I was years ago. I don't want to come across like I'm Mother Theresa either. I've had my share of mistakes even in adulthood when it comes to sex. However, I'm at a place in my life where, I don't want to feel the pain that has resulted in some prior sexual experiences. My prayer is that I continue to wait on God to send me a husband whom I can share my total self with; mind, body and soul. I pray that we all make wise choices when it comes to physical intimacy. It is not a decision to be taken lightly.

To hear me go into depth on this subject, listen to my podcast with Jay Mayo by clicking the link below.

I Wish I Had Never Had Sex  

Run Tony Run

It's been a couple of months since my last blog. I've been working, churching ( yes, I made that word up but I wanted to keep with the ing theme), serving, mothering, studying and doing everything else that makes me wear this S on my chest. But if you have read any of my blogs then you're probably asking yourself, "well Tasha Mac, how is that any different from your normal routine?" I'm so glad you asked. I've been taking on a new venture as of lately. Yes, I have managed to fit another task into my already hectic, but busy life. However, this is so worth the additional energy I conjure up at the end of day when I get off work and then head over to the campaign's headquarters. 

If you haven't figured it out by now, I've been volunteering on a political campaign. To be exact, Councilman Tony T. Yarber is running for Mayor of the city of Jackson, MS. I'm usually a behind the scenes political junkie. However, when someone who has a vision I wholeheartedly believe in is right in my backdoor, it was time to not just tweet about it but be about it.  So then with all of that being said, who is Tony Yarber?  I can give you a well-thought out, political answer. However, that will not say anything about who he is. Councilman Yarber is a man of God, a husband, father, son, brother, friend, educator, servant of the people and leader of the leaders. I had the pleasure of walking alongside of him, his family, campaign staff and other volunteers in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Jackson. As I'm signing up parade goers for volunteer work, I see the cheers, the love and devotion the people have for the Councilman and his family. I kept hearing phrases such as " he's a good man, they are good people, great man of God, he is my former principal." I'm just taking it all in as I'm writing down names and thanking people for their support. But, that day I honestly said to myself, people really love and respect him. And more than that, they believe in him. The people of this city needs a mayor who they can truly relate to and one who has our best interest at heart. What makes me think he has our best interest at heart? I can hear it in his voice whenever he addresses a crowd of supporters. He delivers his messages without political, propaganda and agendas, but with sincerity, clarity, passion, conviction, grace, and more importantly humility. Last week while volunteering at the campaign headquarters, I met a young lady who began to tell me a story about how she became connected with the Councilman and his wife. She said some years ago her and her husband were living in a small town in Mississippi about two hours away from Jackson. They had lost a child. The Yarbers drove to the graveside service to be of service to the family in whatever way they were needed. She was telling me this story and she was still in awe over the servants hearts of the Yarbers and how they were there to help her and her family during such a difficult time. I thought that was awesome and one of the many reasons why this city needs him so much. I remember when Trayvon Martin was tragically killed in 2012, Councilman Yarber led rallies, marched and gathered supporters not just for Trayvon, but against the senseless killings that take place in our own communities and communities abroad. He didn't rally as a politician, he rallied as a father, as a black man who was once 17 years old. 

Why do I support Tony Yarber? As a single mom of four daughters, I have faced many hardships and challenges along the way. However, I believe Jackson is a great place to raise a family with morals, values and to be decent, productive citizens. It is important to me that my girls accomplish two tasks in life; first and foremost they must serve the Lord God with their whole hearts and minds and secondly they must get a good education. Tony Yarber has a plan for this city that will assist me in guiding them along the way. I believe in his vision for change because he is the change that I and so many others want to see. 

On April 22nd the voters of Jackson, MS will have the opportunity to vote for proven leadership that is Tony T. Yarber. 

***Disclaimer***

I am not receiving any financial gain from this blog. This blog is the expressed written opinion of Tasha Mac. I was not asked by Tony Yarber or any member of his campaign staff to write this blog. This blog is intended to share my opinion of the candidate I support as the next mayor of the city of Jackson. 

Life Lessons from a Macanista: The Real on Being a Teenage Mother

Congratulations! You're going to be a mommy! It sounds so exciting and sweet, doesn't it? Or maybe it doesn't when you're still in high school, or just started college, you either don't have a job or the one you have only pays for your weave, your club entrance fees and your bi-weekly outfit that's on sale at Rainbow. Now some of you may say ouch Tasha Mac, why are you going in like that with this blog? That's because it's time that someone broke down the real deal when it comes to being a teenage mother. Yes, babies are sweet, innocent, precious and they are gifts from God. I truly believe all that. However, babies aren't an ornament that you get to look at and admire, leave on the shelf and say I may buy it later. Babies are living, breathing, human beings that require a lot of financial resources, time and parents who are physically, mentally and emotionally stable to meet their needs 24 hours a day. If you haven't picked it up by now, I know a thing or two, or three when it comes to teenage pregnancy. I am a byproduct and a recipient of it. And if that doesn't convince you that I know something about it, my 19 year old daughter will be giving birth to her daughter any day now. I'm not writing this blog to air my dirty laundry, embarrass my daughter or look for sympathy. What's done is done. However, it's time out for sugar coating, and for girls believing that it can't happen to them and/or their boyfriends love them so well and will stick by their side when the bun starts rising in the oven. I'm not boy-bashing with this blog either. I want young ladies to be quick to open their eyes instead of their legs.

You're pregnant now. What is your plan? Yes, I said your plan. Please don't start off by thinking.... "we're going to get an apartment, I'm going to finish school and get a job." And my personal favorite, we're getting married after high school. It all sounds so laughable to me. Those words flew out of my mouth and so many others' mouths that I know. Like it's just that simple. Let me tell you what's really going to happen...

First of all you are going to be an EMOTIONAL WRECK. You are too young to fully comprehend and process what has happened. What you have allowed yourself to get into. Your mind will flip-flop and you will not make any sound decisions. Trust me I know. If you are with the guy, you will be more concerned about the effects this pregnancy will have on your so-called relationship than what effects it will have on your life, the unborn child or your family who will ultimately be the ones emotionally, mentally and most of all financially supporting you and your child. I know you have heard many success stories about teenage mothers who "made it." Those who "rose above the adversity" went on to earn four degrees, rescued orphans in Haiti, taught a village how to read and write and made pancake breakfasts for underprivileged children on the weekends. And believe me, I'm not discounting anyone's personal triumphs or achievements. The truth of the matter is, I've earned a college degree, have a great job and I'm working on my Master's degree. However, where is the in between in these stories. People talk about the glory without giving you the WHOLE story. No one talks about what all they went through before they got to the promised land of teenage parent after life. And let me give you some more harsh reality. The life of being a teenage mother has a lot of life-long, lingering emotional effects on the teen mother and her children. While you may one day be financially stable, emotional scars are a lot harder to hide and sometimes take even longer to heal.

Single mothers, especially teenage single mothers have to deal with disappointment from family members and often times themselves. And that load can be heavier to carry than the baby growing inside of them. Teenage mothers often don't have money. Especially during the pregnancy, so they constantly have to ask or hope someone has pity on them to give them something or buy them food to satisfy those pregnancy cravings. Meanwhile, oh yes, where is Mr. Loverman, the baby's daddy himself? One day he's with you, the next day he's wishing you would have had that abortion. Because he isn't ready for this life-altering reality. But you're thinking, he's a good guy, he comes from a good home, or he didn't have a father so he wouldn't do that to our child. Honey, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard it or even said it myself, I promise I wouldn't be ironing clothes for work tomorrow. I'd be telling my driver what time to pick me up to drop me off at my yacht. The hard truth is, he isn't carrying the kid, he will not be there for the every two hour feedings, he will not make the decision between shoes for the baby or buying toothpaste for the house. And what about the strain this will have on your family. Even if your family can financially support you and the baby with ease, their life is altered as well. All of a sudden a baby is coming into the home. You have to get to your doctor's appointments, you need care and support. And they are your family so no matter how they feel about what you've done they will be there. But is that fair? No, but we all know life isn't fair. Families do what they must to take care of their own. But trust me, you won't feel good about it. You know you need them and what you've done has not only affected you but them also.

What should you do? PREVENTATIVE MAINTENANCE. I know young people are going to have sex. I wish everyone would wait until they are married and able. However, I would be stupid and foolish to tell you to practice abstinence and be done with it. You won't have to worry about pregnancy or diseases if you just don't do it. Let's be real here. Your hormones are all over the place and the more your parents and pastors tell you not to do it the more you will. So with that being said, protect yourselves. Birth control, condoms, shots, whatever it takes for you not to have to put yourself through all of the drama I've been talking about. Birth control isn't hard to get. Educate yourself. Talk to someone. Listen this is 2014. We as adults know teenagers are having more sex than they do at the playboy mansion. Let someone know you are trying to be proactive when it comes to your sexual health before you are having a different conversation discussing your due date.


*****Disclaimer*****
This blog is not intended to promote abortion or scare anyone into harming an unborn or living child in ANY WAY , SHAPE, FORM OR FASHION. This blog is only meant to educate and provide information based on my experiences. If  you or someone you know is pregnant, please do not resort to heinous, criminal and inhumane acts to undo a pregnancy. There are plenty of organizations that can and will provide guidance and direction if you are in need of help. 

Reflection and Revelation: My 2013 Year in Review

I know I'm late with this blog post. I've been working on it for almost a week now. And while it's seven days into the new year, I'm still going to publish it. People all over the world couldn't wait for 2014 to make its debut. And I was one of them. Not because 2013 was a horrible year. ( That was 2012.) But because a new year for me brings new dreams, new goals and a hope that what didn't happen last year will definitely happen for me this year. 

 Let me back track and tell you what went on in 2013 and some of what I learned. The year 2013 didn't waste anytime bringing about changes in my life. On January 9, 2013 the company I worked for laid off all employees in the Jackson office. Here I was beginning the new year unemployed. I have to admit I was pissed off and angry at the company for doing what they had done to us all. However, something else happened that lifted the burden of being unemployed a little. Something totally unexpected yet very welcomed. One of my friends told me how he felt about me and asked to come out of the "friend zone." As soon as he got the words out of his mouth, I felt the chemistry and I told him I would like to see where it goes. This occurred the week after the lay off and I have to say we've been together and happy ever since. I know you're thinking it's wonderful that I'm dating a great guy but what about finding a job? I'm getting to that part. The company laying me off was probably the best thing that could have happened to me both personally and professionally. Personally because the guy I'm dating was not only a friend, but a former coworker at the same company I was laid off from. And maybe he would have never came out of the friend zone had we still been working together. Professionally, because I am now working for one of the top 50 Accounting and Business Advisory Firms in the country. Sometimes God will close a door and open a few more for you that you would have never thought possible. I am so happy with my new employer in my new position. The company is a great place to work and there is plenty of growth potential. And yes, my guy is employed too.

Last year I learned so many things with the changes that took place in my life. For one thing, always have a back up career plan. Even if it's no more than keeping your resume up to date. Always job search from time to time even if you're not looking. At least you'll know what jobs are in demand the most and what skills you may need to acquire or polish up. I learned how to be loved and how precious it really is. I say this because my guy loves me with such compassion and so genuinely. He is the most thoughtful person I've ever met. And I also say this because last year was a year of loss for many people. Many of my friends lost their best friends. I thought that was so odd that people were losing their best friends. I saw the pain and anguish they experienced first hand and it broke my heart. It made me wanna love more, forgive more, and live more. We always say life is too short. And now the kids are wearing out the term "YOLO" ( You Only Live Once).  And honestly, those are true statements. It's time out for people having a new lease on life in January and by March it's back to the same old ways, same old thinking. 

This blog post is a little different from what I've written before. I just felt the need to share some of my reflections with my readers. I also want you to know how much I appreciate your visits to my blog. And  I do plan on writing more this year because I have so much to share with you all. I want you all to really get to know me this year through my writing. I want you to feel me and understand me. I promise not to keep my distance this year. I hope that you will be along for the ride with the Tasha Mac Chronicles. Talk to you later. 

It's Hard For Me to be Naked with my Clothes On

I consider myself to be a strong, confident, fierce, black woman. I've overcome many obstacles, climbed many mountains and beat many challenges that have come my way in my 36 years of existence. You would think after surviving Hurricane Katrina, raising four girls alone, putting myself through college and finding my way back to myself after two failed marriages I should be doing okay, right? Well, uh let me say this... that life I just mentioned in this opening paragraph has left me with some wounds. Don't get me wrong, I thank God for who I am and that my story is hopefully a testimony to someone else. However, my wounds have left me unable to be naked in front of people. (I trust that you understand I'm metaphorically speaking when I say this.) 

Some of you may be thinking, are you emotionally unavailable, do you push people away, etc...? No, I'm not and I don't do any of those things. Actually, it's quite the opposite. I want to share who I am and for people to dig deep inside and discover the emotions that I try to sometimes hide. But, I am afraid of exposing myself. It's difficult for me to get close to new people who come into my life. Because of my fear of covered nakedness, it's hard for me to make new friends. And it's sometimes uncomfortable maintaining my close relationships because at some point I do get naked. I can flash my smile, bat my eyelashes, strut in my heels and sit with people and enjoy a nice meal on any given day. And while I'm doing all of this, in my mind I'm wondering, do they see me? I'm mentally trying to hide inside of my skin and keep a barrier between myself and others because the thought of people seeing all the pieces of me is frightening to say the least. Underneath my lip gloss and behind the dimple on my left cheek is fear, pain, shame, exhaustion, and frustration. There's a battle going on inside of me. The battle is between those in the previous sentence and forgiveness, humility, patience, strength, courage, and endurance. They are all on the inside fighting to overcome each other. Why must they fight? And why don't I want you to know that they are there? They are fighting to be with me, to overtake me and so I can choose one or all of them. I don't want to be naked in front of people because in that very moment they may not see me for who I am. And because I am concentrating on them not seeing me, I may forget that I'm a warrior and more than a conqueror. ( I know it may be hard to follow but stay with me). I sometimes forget my own triumphs when I feel as if I'm being exposed. It's easier for me to have a small circle because I don't have to be vulnerable. My guards are made of cast iron being held together by the constant need to protect myself. Covered nakedness as I call it is a frightening concept because it comes with pressure to stay on top, not have a bad day, always be on your game, keep the cape on and wear the S on your chest proudly and daily. I don't want to be exposed because I don't want rejection. I want automatic acceptance and understanding. I retreat inside of myself when I feel people are rejecting me without understanding me or making preconceived notions about me. Sometimes these feelings are justified and sometimes it's the covered nakedness issue. However, I don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out which one is the real deal. I give up before I give in. It's easier and safer that way in my mind. I feel as though I've dodged a bullet. And other times I feel perhaps I missed out on something.

There are parts of me on the inside I am uncomfortable with. There are parts of me I'd rather not know. There are parts of me I thought were gone but they are just on a year-round hibernation. There are parts of me that make me cry.  You may now understand why covered nakedness is a struggle. As busy and demanding as my life is, I go with the flow and deal with one situation at a time. I have an approach for just about everything. This blog has given me the courage to work on being free with my clothes on.

Do you have an issue with covered nakedness? 

Am I my Brother's Keeper?

My holiday weekend began last Wednesday. I did something I hadn't done in a very long time which was watch a Lifetime movie. Like most women, I am a Lifetime Movie Network lover. If you know anything about the movies on Lifetime then you know for the most part the movies are based on real life events. I came across the movie " Conviction" starring Hilary Swank. Conviction is the real life story of Betty Anne Waters and her brother Kenny Waters. Kenny was wrongfully convicted ( conviction overturned in 2001) in 1983 for the brutal murder of Katharina Brow in 1980. The real story is the selflessness, dedication, loyalty, faith and courage of Betty Anne. Betty Anne was 29 years old when her brother was arrested and convicted. She was married with two, young boys with only a high school equivalent education when she decided to go to college and eventually law school to become her brother's lawyer and exonerate him for a murder she was sure he didn't commit. Betty Anne's husband didn't support her decision so they split up and her sons grew weary of her not being around as she attended school and worked on her brother's case and they eventually went to live with their father. 

I'm watching this movie and I'm thinking the whole time, this woman has given up everything, her entire life to fight for her brother who may or may not be innocent. It didn't matter what anyone else believed, or said about him or how many times he had been in trouble in the past. What mattered was that she believed in him. I had to wonder if I would have done the same for any of my three brothers, or would anyone I know have done the same for theirs? This woman fought for 18 years to clear her brother and finally in June 2001 Kenny Waters walked out of prison a free man. 

I often think about the relationship my girls will have with one another when they are grown women, with careers and families. Will they talk consistently? Will they always be there for one another? Despite the issues I may have with them being their mother and trying to keep them on the straight and narrow, one thing I can say is they do love each other and they do support each other. They are always defending each other and helping each other with school projects and homework. I always see them talking , ( probably about me) laughing, playing games and watching TV together. It gives me hope that I'm doing something right. However, it isn't like that for a lot of families. I'm not suggesting anyone who has a sibling accused of murder give up their lives, switch careers to become a lawyer and fight to prove their innocence. However, a sibling should be, if not, as close as a best friend to you. Who else can understand when you're pissed off at your parents for not letting you go out after you've brought home a D on a test? It breaks my heart when a parent passes away and siblings start fighting over money and Kmart China before their parent's remains are in the ground. 

I know most of you probably only know the phrase "Am I my brother's keeper" from the movie New Jack City. Being your brother's keeper means they can call you to talk, if they are in need and you can help then you will, it means spending time together and looking out for one another's kids and so much more. My guy and his brother have one of the best sibling relationships I've ever seen. His brother is six years older and lives out of town. However, whenever his brother comes home they are like glue. And when they join forces with their father it's laughs, stories and more importantly lots of love in the room. They also talk consistently checking on one another throughout the week. Your relationships with your siblings are among the very first relationships you will have and develop. It's a foundation for having healthy relationships in romance, with co-workers, friends and in-laws. Are you your brother's keeper?

How to Survive Being an Adult Living in Someone's Home

Have you ever heard the saying, " You can't be a woman in another woman's house?" Basically, you aren't an adult if you're a tenant in another adult's home. I've been on both sides of this spectrum. I know by having been there, that sometimes situations occur and you may find yourself left with no other choice than to take up residence with someone. It beats being homeless, or staying in an abusive situation. In my case, I've been a tenant with my children in someone's home which made the situation much more tedious and intense. If you've been in this situation or, you're currently in it right now, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has or will need help at some point in their lives. However the goal is not to become a permanent resident. Unless you and the other person have come to that agreement. There are ways to survive being an adult during this time of transition.

DO: The first thing you want to do probably before you unpack your clothes, and put your toothbrush in the bathroom is HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY. It is imperative that you have a plan that includes a timetable, stable employment and a permanent address. While you're getting all comfy and settling in, the people who have opened up their home to you are saying to themselves, " don't get too comfy because you need to figure out what you're going to do." Whether they say it to your face or not, believe me they are thinking it. You need to write down your plan and how you are going to execute it. The timetable is the most important part of the plan. You need to let people know when you are planning on leaving. Depending on your situation ( especially if you have a job) the timetable may be one to three months. If you're unemployed it could be a little longer. However, you shouldn't move in on New Year's Day and plan on staying until Halloween. That's unrealistic and usually around the three month mark is when people start looking at you crazy and every time you sneeze after three months it starts to irk the piss out of them.

 

DO: It is extremely important that you COMMUNICATE with the people with whom you're living with. When you're living with someone this element is key to your survival. Let people know the moves you are making. Discuss every job interview you have, how did it go, when you expect to hear something back, etc. Talk to them about the connections you've made to valuable resources such as housing assistance, employment services and job fairs. People are looking to see what you are doing to help yourself get out of the situation you're in. And besides from all of the above, don't forget the basics; good manners. Make sure you say good morning to all of the occupants of the home and good night. If company so happens to come over, be prepared for them to look at you like you're a pathetic, freeloader. It's okay. Suck it up and make sure you speak to them too. If your landlord detects any hostility with you, any of the other occupants of the home and their family or friends, then it will make your stay more difficult.

DO: SHARE whatever financial resources you have to contribute to the household. This also goes along with communication. For the most part people will understand that you are not living with them to pay all of their bills. However, let the owners or persons in charge of the household know what you have and together y'all both can decide what is fair for you to contribute.



DON'T:  Go on SHOPPING SPREES, PUT YOUR NAME ON FOOD IN THE REFRIGERATOR AND INVITE YOUR MAN OR WOMAN OVER. I bundled these all together to save time and space and also to let you know that these are huge no, no's. First of all you're living in someone's home so you don't have any discretionary income. If you aren't buying a blouse on sale for a big interview tomorrow, then you don't need it. And furthermore, whenever bags are entering the home there had better be something in there that contributes to the household in some way. Whatever you bring into the home and place in a community property area such as the refrigerator is not necessarily yours anymore. The best thing to do is get enough for all or leave it where it is if you don't want to share it. Don't ever invite your your man or woman over to someone's home you're living in. What do you think they are thinking? People are fickle about this sort of behavior. If you can have a relationship then you should have your own place. Remember you are being watched. And people, while they may empathize with your situation if they feel they are being taken advantage of will put you out.

DON'T: My last piece of advice for this situation is whatever you do, DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. People do not want to hear you didn't go job hunting because you didn't have a ride. If you don't have a ride, you better use public transportation or walk. This is not the time for the pity party you like to have twice per week. You can resume that once you're stable with a permanent address. I've heard people use all kinds of excuses as to why they aren't helping themselves such as; it was raining, I didn't have a ride, or using the death of a loved one as an excuse to not do better. Excuses will only bring about contention and resentment in the household. And it could also put you back into the same situation. You don't have time for excuses. The goal is to do better for yourself and whomever you're responsible for.

There's so much more I can add to this but I'll save it for another day. I see a lot of young people who are existing in this so-called YOLO world living with their parents, their friends, older siblings, baby daddy's cousin on their grandma side who feel it's okay to freeload off others because they share DNA or a kid or they went to school together. Newsflash, once you're an adult no one owes you anything. It's time to grow up and make a way for yourself. However, if you do find yourself on hard times and need help it's okay just have a plan and be proactive with it.

What my daughters don't understand

If you've read my bio or a couple of my other blogs then you know I am a single mom with four daughters. My girls are ages 18,16,13 and 12. And this is the reason why I told my hairstylist tonight as she was styling my hair that I am going to start dying it twice per month instead of once. Needless to say a lot goes on raising girls in a world of social media, iPhones, iPads, peer pressure that has heightened times 1000 since the 90's and reality TV. In my day I did it all; lying, bad attitude, making excuses, you name it. And while most would say that as I experience trials and tribulations raising my girls that I am just "getting it all back". I may agree with them on some level but I would say, that was then and this is now.

A few months ago I updated a Facebook status asking my friends what advice would they give to their younger selves? I have plenty I would say to younger Tasha Mac. I would warn her of all the heartache and pain she will experience if she takes this path, go this route and get with this person. In reality this is not an option. I understand that all of those experiences and life lessons polished me like sandpaper to be the woman I am today. Yet and still if I could have taken a different route to become the woman I am, no doubt I would have. So instead I try to impart my wisdom, experiences and life lessons on my daughters so they can avoid some of the pitfalls I made and make wiser, smarter choices to become virtuous, phenomenal, young women.

What they don't understand is that I've been there. I've used the excuse "my daddy wasn't there, my mom isn't listening, nobody understands me, I had a messed up childhood." I've used all of these phrases and then some for bad behavior that led to poor decision making, hard knocks, and slow progression. I had issues as a teenager and some of it was low self-esteem and a desire to wanna be loved and understood. As I got older I  realized there was no one to blame and hold accountable but myself for the decisions I made regarding my life.  However, teenagers today have much more contenders to deal with which makes their focus so much harder. They are living in a world where social media has replaced verbal and written communication, kids are more open and forceful with their sexuality, reality TV stars are the new sheros and heroes and single parent homes are at an all time high. I get all of that. And it makes the job of a parent especially a single parent that much harder because we are trying to get through all of that noise to raise well-productive kids into upstanding citizens who are able and capable of obtaining sustainability for themselves.

People close to me often tell me they are proud of me because "I did it. I made it." I always say thank you, and I appreciate that. But it took me 12 years, 4 kids and 2 failed marriages later to earn my college degree, realize my self-worth and reach my full potential. I am very proud of myself for overcoming adversity, stereotypes and obstacles to achieve all of the successes that I have. I just would have much rather stopped, took heed and listened to what someone tried to tell me a long time ago and stayed the course at a much younger age. That's all I am trying to do as a parent is help my girls stay the course and on the right track. It's scary at times and I pray, and cry, and sometimes shout and maybe kick myself mentally. But I am determined to get through to them because I am their mother no matter what.

I do believe experience is the best teacher and I know sometimes we all have to bump our heads to get it on straight again. It's just difficult as a mother to see your beloved daughters fall off track. All I can do is keep praying, give guidance and discipline where necessary.

I Need Me Too

Being a mom of four girls in this day and age is not an easy feat. Add being single, having a full-time job, being in a relationship and trying to keep my sanity in tact and you have a true balancing act on your hands. There are days when I feel like Nick Wallenda walking across the Grand Canyon carrying a stick on a tight rope. Except my stick are all the hats I aforementioned and that tight rope is a string of my emotions, my stability and sanity holding on trying not to break. When you're silently wearing a cape, and an S on your chest, you really don't have time to allow your emotions to run a muck or as the young people say these days "get in your feelings."

So what do you do when you are on teenage drama overload, burned out on mommy can I haves, 25 emails you have to answer and provide information on in the next 30 minutes and a relationship you're trying to maintain?

The important thing to realize is that you still have to fit YOU into the equation. If you do not add YOURSELF on your to do list then you will be done for and burned out. Every task doesn't have to be a race to the finish line. It took me a long time to realize that I am just as important to myself as all the people
I've committed myself to. Sometimes I have a relapse by forgetting that and I'm reminded of it with headaches, tension in my shoulders and the occasional crying spell.

It would be nice to balance yourself by jumping in a taxi cab, packing a bag and getting away fast. ( Kindred the Family Soul lyrics). But let's be realistic you can't do it everyday and not every week for that matter. However, all isn't lost just because viewing the country while driving on cruise control listening to your favorite music in 75 degree weather isn't an option. It doesn't take much to balance yourself throughout the day and put your mind at ease. I've found that a few minutes with my hobbies does wonders for me. Stealing away 10 minutes to look through your favorite magazine, play an online or app game or even checking your social networking account a few times a day can get your creative juices flowing again. Walking and exercising is just as relaxing for the mind as it is good for the body. And of course a few minutes of prayer and/or reading a few bible scriptures will do a world of good.  And during the most crucial pressure points of the day it's best to back away from what's causing you duress.

One of my favorite things to do is cook. I really enjoy it and I consider myself a pretty decent cook. But there are days when a full course meal is not a part of my agenda for the evening. I use to feel bad if I didn't cook a meal for my girls but I have learned that the objective is to make sure they eat not to emulate Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray everyday. The people in our lives appreciate a happy, well-balanced, emotionally stable us. Not someone who is running around like a chicken with their head cut off ready to pluck at any moment.  A virtuous woman knows her limits and is not afraid to say when she needs a time out. So before you emotionally tap out, or physically snap out and someone finds you in a corner balled up in a fetal position make time for yourself, put you first and the rest of the day you'll be shining bright like a diamond.